Family Therapy
by LuckyDuck29
Summary: When things between Spinelli and Maxie seem to be over, he goes to visit his Granny to deal with his feelings. There, he makes new discoveries about himself and his family. Please see my profile for the link to the ld29info forum for the author’s notes.
1. Spinelli's Sacrifice

The dinner wasn't going well. Spinelli was trying, for all their sakes, especially Maximista's. She needed Spinelli and Mack to get along. The wedding was less than a month away and she wanted her father to walk her down the isle. She loved Spinelli and wanted her father's blessing to marry him.

He kept what Mr. Sir called "that convoluted mumbo jumbo" to a minimum, censoring himself as much as he could. He thought he was doing a fair job, too.

But Mack wasn't budging. He sat stone-faced, eating little and saying less, giving Spinelli incredulous looks from across the table. Patrick and Robin were there, too, watching helplessly. Everyone seemed to know this was going to end badly, but Maxie and Spinelli were doing their best to avoid an unpleasant scene, fighting hard to ignore their shared premonition of doom.

"Have you talked to Jason about being your best man?" Maxie asked, earning a glare from Mack.

"I did and he has agreed."

"Jason Morgan will not attend my daughter's wedding!"

"Jason is the best man, Mack; he has to be there."

"Stone Cold is my closest male friend, Sir. I consider him a brother."

"All the more reason for this wedding not to happen. Your 'brother' is one of the biggest most well-known criminals in Port Charles! Have you forgotten what happened to Kate Howard on her wedding day? Do you wanna end up like that, Maxie? What if Patrick can't fix you?"

"That's not gonna happen," Maxie insisted.

"This wedding is what's not gonna happen!"

"How many times do I have to tell you this is my decision, not yours?"

"I mean it, Maxie. You marry this freak and I will disown you!"

The table went completely silent. All Spinelli saw was the look in his poor Maximista's bewildered, horrified eyes. It was then that he knew what he had to do. It would be the most painful decision of his life, but for the sake of his love, it had to be done.

"How can you do this to me?" Maxie asked tearfully. "I am your daughter!"

"Maxie," Mack began, "I-"

"No, I thought you loved me!" she screamed.

"I do love you."

"No, you don't. If you did you never would have said that under any circumstances! You're just like my real parents! You don't care about me any more than they do!"

"Maxie," Robin began.

"Stop," Spinelli pleaded, unable to stand Maxie's pain any longer.

Everyone looked at him, startled, as if they'd forgotten he was there.

"I can't do this to you," he said, forcing himself to look into Maxie's eyes. "I can't marry you, not at the cost of your relationship with your father."

"Spinelli," she pleaded.

"No, Maximista, please, don't make this any more painful than it is already. If we get married under these circumstances and you lose your father it will eventually cause you to resent me and I will lose you. I love you too much to put you in this position. When he was just threatening me it was one thing, but I can't let him hurt you like this."

He stood up, looked around the table and forced himself to look again at Maxie.

"I wish you every happiness. I know you will have love and a career."

:I love you!"

"I love you, too, but we both know this can't work, not when you have so much to lose by marrying me. The price is too high."

He glanced at Mack, then kissed Maxie, daring Mack to try to stop him from giving her this one last kiss.

"Find someone who makes you both happy."

"Spinelli, please," she sobbed as he headed for the door.

He didn't look back; he couldn't. He closed the door softly behind him and broke into a run.

"What happened?" Jason asked, looking up in surprise from the couch.

He was still recovering from the injuries caused by Jerry Jax in Mexico. Spinelli sat on the end furthest away from him, sitting carefully despite his exhaustion in order to keep from hurting Jason, breathing hard. He had run all the way home, stopping only for traffic lights.

He didn't say anything for a while. He needed to catch his breath, but he also needed to find the courage to admit, both to himself and his closest friend, that his future was now in ruins.

"It's over," he said finally in a soft, defeated voice. "I've lost Maximista for good."

Jason moved closer and put his hand on Spinelli's shoulder.

"What happened?" he asked again, gently this time.

He listened without interruption as Spinelli explained.

"He threatened to disown her?"

Spinelli nodded.

"I've never seen her look so crushed. My poor Maximista was caught between the man she loves and the man who raised her. Calling off the engagement was the only kind thing I could do."

"What did she say when you told her?"

"I didn't wait to hear what she said; I had to get out of there."

He looked away, not wanting Jason to see that he was fighting back tears.

"I don't know what would have been worse," he said painfully, "having her protest or having her agree with me."

A quiet sob escaped him and Jason moved closer, putting his arms around him, pulling him into a loose hug, giving him the chance to pull away if he wanted. He didn't pull away. He hugged him back, careful even in his present state not to aggravate Jason's injuries.

"You know how you're always saying you wanna be like me?" Jason asked softly after a while.

Spinelli nodded.

"You did exactly what I would have done."

"You did."

He didn't have to say anything more; they both knew what he meant. Jason had sacrificed his son and the woman he loved so they could be safe and happy.

"If this is hard for me, I can't imagine what it must be like for you."

"All that matters to you is Maxie's happiness, right?"

He nodded.

"All that matters to me is Jake and Elizabeth's."

"We almost made it," Spinelli said, trying to smile.

"I know."

"She reciprocates my love and we still can't be together."

"I know. It's not fair."

Spinelli shook his head.

"But you two can still be friends, right? I mean, I know it's not all either of you wanted, but at least you could have that."

"Eventually, but I just can't see her now; it hurts too much."

Jason nodded sympathetically. They sat there quietly for a while, each with his own thoughts.

Spinelli had thought before that he had understood Stone Cold's secret pain. He realized now that he had not understood even a fraction of Jason's feelings before. He had sympathized with his friend at every turn. He had pleaded with him to build a life with his son and Elizabeth. He had fooled himself into thinking that the sacrifice was unnecessary, that there had to be some way for Jason to be a father and still work for Mr. Sir. He had eventually accepted Jason's logic and quietly supported his decision to cut himself off from his son.

He had lied to himself and Maxie about how their wedding day would go off without a hitch and Mack would eventually come to see Spinelli for the good person he was instead of the freak Mack wanted to see. Stone Cold was right; it wasn't fair. But it was reality, and Spinelli had to learn to accept it. Jason, Jake and Elizabeth would have no happily ever after. There would also be no faerie-tale ending for The Jackal and his Fair Maximista. Commissioner Scorpio had won.


	2. The Confrontation

Over the next week, Spinelli began to feel like a stranger, even to himself. He was uncharacteristically short-tempered. He tried to hide it, but was not always successful. He avoided Maxie at all costs, but had no success in keeping her out of his thoughts. When the inevitable meeting with Maxie came, it was worse for Spinelli than he could have ever imagined.

He was finishing with a client who had just hired him to look for his daughter, who had run away from home a few weeks ago. The police had not been able to find her, so he had come to McCall and Jackal, having seen one of the fliers they had put up when they'd first opened their offices.

"I hope this is enough," the tired, obviously devastated man said anxiously. "I don't have a lot of money, but if you need more I'll get it some how! I just need to find my daughter."

"It's enough," Spinelli assured him. "Don't worry, Sir. I will do my best to find her as quickly as possible."

"Do you have enough information? I know it's not much to go on; the police kept asking me a bunch of questions, but Lisa's been so secretive lately."

"It's a start. My job is to gather the rest of the information; you've given me a foundation on which to build the search."

For the moment, this man's pain had made Spinelli forget his own. This was something he could fix. He could find this girl and reunite her with her father. He had lost Maxie, but he would find this man's lost child.

"Thank you, Mr. Jackal."

The man shook his hand and headed for the door.

They lived in a gated community, which meant there were security cameras. Spinelli started with those and began to determine which direction the girl had taken. He decided to go to the peer and continue his Cyber search, since this was a nice day and summer was quickly disappearing. Besides, the offices closed at five and Spinelli was not expecting anyone else in the next ten minutes. Sam had already left to follow a lead on one of her cases, so Spinelli would close a few minutes early. Half an hour later, he would regret that decision and wish he'd stayed in his office.

He looked up when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. Maxie stood there, looking as beautiful as ever. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hold her and tell her to forget everything he'd said last week, that they would proceed with the wedding, anyway. It was only the memory of the look on her face when Mack threatened to disown her that kept him from following his strongest impulses.

"You've become really hard to track down," she said, trying to smile.

Spinelli shrugged.

"I want you back, Spinelli, and I know you wanna be with me. I understand why you did what you did, but it doesn't matter. I haven't spoken to Mack since the night you walked out of his house. He's made his decision and I've made mine; I wanna be with you."

"We can't, Maximista, not as long as this rift continues to exist between you and your father. My proposal is what caused it, so the only thing I could do to help repair it was to retract it. He raised you; he loves you."

"So do you."

"He's been a constant in your life-"

"So have you!"

"But he's your family. He raised you and Wise Georgie when your parents left. I can't jeopardize your relationship with him."

"He's the one who did that when-"

"It is not beyond repair! Go back; make up with him."

"Not until he accepts that you and I are gonna be together."

"We can't be, not as long as he so vehemently opposes our union."

"What about what you and I want?" she demanded. "What about my feelings?"

"I'm trying to spare you untold heartbreak."

"By causing more? You wanna break my heart so I can make up with a man who threatened to disown me if I don't step in line with what he wants me to do?"

"It's better than having you permanently destroy your relationship with him and then hate me later because I forced you to make a decision!"

"Oh, I get it! Now it comes out!"

He hadn't heard her sound so angry and resentful since the night he'd let her know how he felt about her sleeping with him to get him to stay away from Winifred.

"You didn't do this for me; you did it for yourself. You're trying to save yourself from later heartbreak, not me!"

"I'm trying to spare both of us," he pleaded.

"No, you're nothing like I thought you were. You're as selfish as I am!"

"You're not selfish."

"Are you saying that so you won't have to admit your selfishness?"

"No, Maximista, I'm saying it because it's true. The things you've done for me since we emerged from that sewer could never be considered selfish. You nursed me back to health after that car hit me and I lost my spleen. You helped me keep Dastardly Dr. Devlin from escaping Stone Cold justice. You even stood up to your father-"

"Why are you so determined to make that sacrifice for nothing then? I stood up to him; you just said that, so why-"

"Because until that very moment I had no idea of the depth of the Apoplectic Parental Unit's hatred for The Jackal!"

He paused and looked away. He needed to drive her away if that was what it took. She was halfway there. She was getting angry with him. If necessary, he would make her hate him. It would be like driving a knife through his own heart, but if that was what it took to repair the father/daughter relationship he had unintentionally caused such terrible damage, that was what he would do. But he prayed it wouldn't come to that. He didn't think he had the strength. For now, he would stick to the truth.

"I cherish every moment we've spent together, but it's over. For your sake, and for the sake of your father, it has to be."

She said nothing.

"You're right about me not wanting to be hurt later, but what would hurt me more is the pain you would experience from the loss of a relationship with a man that you hold so dear. I could never forgive myself if you lost your father because of me."

"Mack wouldn't really disown me!"

"Why then have you not spoken to him since last week?"

"I want him to suffer for making you do what you did!"

"Maxie-"

"Maximista!" she said furiously. "I am Maximista to you!"

"You will always be Maximista to me," he said sadly. "My heart is yours forever, but you must repair your damaged relationship with your father."

"And forget about you?"

He nodded.

"And I don't get a say? I don't get to have an opinion? You just unilaterally decide this is how it's gonna be and that's all there is to it!"

"Maximista, this is what is best for everyone."

He couldn't look at her anymore. He turned away, swallowing hard and blinking.

"So you and Mack get to decide my life. He gives an order and you blindly follow it just like you do with Sonny and Jason."

"Maximista-"

"No, you know what? On second thought, don't ever call me that again! It's as phony as you are!"

"Phony?" he asked, confused.

"Phony! Mack was right; the social misfit stuff is all an act. You got me to feel sorry for you after you were done rejecting my sister and chasing after Lulu!"

His breath caught. He felt as if she'd punched him in the face. He looked at her again, wanting to protest and knowing he couldn't. If he was going to push her back to her father, he had to let her hate him. He would deal with his own pain later.

"Lulu didn't even want you, but you were so busy chasing after her that you ignored Georgie's feelings completely and then you got me to fall for your act! You got me to fall in love with you! But guess what, Spinelli. The last laugh is mine! Do you know why I agreed to marry you?"

He couldn't speak; he could barely breathe.

"I didn't agree to marry you because I love you. I agreed to marry you because Mack tried to stop us! I never would have even gone through with it! I would have left you standing at the alter so everyone would see you for the gullible freak you really are!"

She backhanded him across the face, took off the ring and thrust it into his hand, then ran away.


	3. The Aftermath

He stared at the water for what seemed like hours, but when he felt another hand on his shoulder, he looked up and saw that the sun had not moved since Maxie had run away from him. He suddenly became aware that he was still holding the ring.

"You're bleeding," Lulu said gently.

"Huh?" he asked absently.

"Your face is bleeding where she hit you."

He felt the sticky bruise on his face, then looked at the ring. She'd been wearing it when she'd hit him; there was a spot of blood on it, too.

"Come on," Lulu said, putting an arm around him and steering him towards her car.

He went without resistance. He felt like a lost child. He didn't ask where she was taking him. He just stared out the window, seeing nothing, trying not to think.

The radio was playing and he felt another blow, this one like a kick in the stomach, when the words he'd sung to her at Jake's came pouring out of the speakers.

"Oh God," Lulu said, horrified, switching off the radio.

She pulled over and turned off the car. They were on a rarely used back road and she pulled him to her.

"I'm so sorry!" she said softly, holding him tightly, sounding as if she might cry.

That was when he became aware that he was crying. He hugged her fiercely , feeling simultaneously ashamed and grateful. How had she known when he would need a friend so badly. What did it say about his manhood when he could cry in a woman's arms like a child? Would he ever grow up? He wanted to apologize to her. He wanted to stay like this and let her hug him. He wanted to run from her so she wouldn't see him behaving in such an unmanly fashion. He wanted to have her hug him until he forgot that such a person as Maxie Jones had ever existed. All these conflicting emotions paralyzed him and he stayed where he was, holding Lulu as she rubbed his back and spoke softly.

"It's OK. I know. I understand. I'm so sorry. I would have kept the radio off if I'd known they were gonna play that."

He shook his head, wanting to tell her it wasn't her fault, but unable to speak.

"Maxie does love you, Spinelli; you have to know that. You have to know she didn't mean any of what she said back there. Well, maybe she did accept your proposal because of Mack, but she wouldn't have accepted it under any circumstances if she didn't love you, and I know she would never have left you standing at the alter. She knows the sacrifice you're making and if she's really angry at anyone she's mad at herself for putting you in a position where you had to make it and Mack for saying what he did. She was lashing out at you and that wasn't fair and I'm sure she's gonna regret it later."

"I don't want her to regret it later," he said. "I want her to hate me."

"Why? Do you think that's gonna make this any easier for either of you?"

"It can't make it any harder. Nothing can do that. Besides, if she hates me maybe she'll make up with her father."

"What about what it's doing to you?"

He had stopped crying by then. He lifted his head and looked at her.

"It doesn't matter. Maxie can't lose her father and I can't be the reason she does."

"I hope Mack appreciates what you're doing for him and Maxie."

A bitter laugh escaped Spinelli, surprising even him.

"I seriously doubt it. He got what he wanted, me out of Maxie's life. Never mind what she wanted; he had to have his way. I didn't do it for him; I did it for her."

"But maybe he'll see it for what it was and come to his senses. You deserve a chance and he wouldn't give it to you. Maybe once he sees what you did for the selfless sacrifice it was he will."

"I won't hold my breath," he said quietly, not wanting Lulu to mistake his anger at Mack for anger at her. "If I don't get my hopes up I won't be disappointed when they come crashing down."

She hugged him again.

"I'm so sorry for you and Maxie. I wish there was something I could do."

"You're doing it," he said warmly. "Just be as good a friend to her as you've been to me. She's gonna need you, too."

She held him at arm's length and looked at the cut on his face.

"That's not bleeding anymore, but you might wanna put some ice on it. I'll take you back to Jason's."

"Did you get into a fight?" Jason demanded when he came home to find Spinelli sitting on the couch with an ice pack on his face.

Lulu sat beside him. They'd been talking about anything but Maxie. Lulu seemed to know he needed a distraction, any distraction, from the reason for the ice pack.

"Not exactly," Spinelli sighed.

"What does that mean, Spinelli?" Jason asked impatiently.

Spinelli took the ring out of his pocket and showed it to Jason.

"Maxie did that?"

"Just before she gave me back the ring."

"She told me she was gonna look for Spinelli and make him talk to her. She was gonna try to make him take her back. I knew Spinelli would stick to his guns because he knows what's at stake and I figured one or both of them might need a friend, so I followed her. After hearing and seeing what she did to Spinelli, I knew he wouldn't wanna be alone. Maxie ran off after she slapped him and gave him back the ring."

"Then I guess she didn't make up with Mack?"

Spinelli and Lulu shook their heads. Jason sighed and sat on Spinelli's other side.

"I'm sorry," he said, gently patting Spinelli's back. "I know how much it hurts."

Spinelli nodded. In this situation, Jason understood his feelings better than anyone else he knew.

Spinelli's cell rang. He sighed and answered.

"Spinelli, it's Johnny. Can you come to my garage? I'd like to talk to you about your plans for my father's disappearance."

He agreed to come, explaining to Jason and Lulu that a client was asking to see him. It was true, but he didn't want Lulu to know it was Johnny. He didn't want to open old wounds for her.

"Thank you both," he said to Lulu and Jason before leaving, grateful that he still had his friends.

He was surprised to see Maxie's car pulling into the garage when he got there. He watched her go up to the door and positioned himself so he could hear them without being seen.

"What are you doing here?" Johnny asked, sounding surprised.

"Do you know Spinelli broke up with me?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"Mack made an empty threat and Spinelli took it seriously, as if Mack would ever disown me for any reason, but no, Spinelli has to be noble and spare my relationship with Mack even if it means not seeing me anymore!"

"Spinelli's a good guy."

"Well, I'm not a good girl and I've decided that if I can't have what I want, I'm gonna be The Bad Blonde One again."

Spinelli felt his heart sink. How could she do this? How could she return to her old self-destructive patterns? He thought he'd changed her life. Had that all been an act? Had she been projecting her own selfish motives on to him earlier? Did she have so little regard for him and the sacrifice he was making for her that she would deliberately turn back into the bitter, angry, vindictive person she'd been when they'd met?

What about Coop and Georgie? He'd thought their deaths had changed her. He thought she'd wanted to be a better person for them, as well as Spinelli. Was she going to spit on their memories just because she could no longer have Spinelli? Was she really as heartless as Lulu used to think? Had Spinelli been fooling himself all along, or was this all part of her act? Maybe she was still trying to protect her heart by pretending to be selfish.

"What does this have to do with me?" Johnny asked.

"I want you to help me get back at Mack and Spinelli. I want you to sleep with me."

Spinelli wanted to throttle them both. How could Maxie do this to him? Had he ever meant anything to her, or was he just another means of rebelling against her father?

"You're a Zacchara; you work with Sonny Corinthos, not for him."

"Maxie-"

"If Mack finds out I slept with you he'll see that I can do much worse than Spinelli. He'll give in to me and let me be with Spinelli and then Spinelli will take me back knowing that my dad and I made up. At the same time, I can punish them both for hurting me and you get to sleep with me. Everybody wins."

"You're a real brat, you know that?" Johnny asked, surprising her and Spinelli. "You should be grateful! Mack loves you. He raised you. He tried to do the best he could for you to make sure you and your sister were happy and you throw his love in his face every chance you get. You have no idea what it's like to live in constant fear for your life and the lives of everybody you care about because you don't know when or if your father's gonna go psycho and start killing people. Spinelli sacrificed his own happiness so you wouldn't lose the father who loves you and all you can think about is getting revenge on both of them because they made you mad?"

"They did more than make me mad, Johnny; they broke my heart!"

"Yeah, well, sleeping with somebody else is not gonna fix it! Sex is not the answer to everything and it's time for you to grow up and stop using your body as a weapon!"

Spinelli couldn't believe what he was hearing. Johnny Zacchara, a man who had thrown Lulu aside as if she'd never meant anything to him, was turning Maxie down after admitting more than once that he would not hesitate to sleep with her.

"I get that you're hurting and I get that you wanna dull your pain, but sleeping with me, or anybody else, is only gonna cause you more pain. You're still in love with Spinelli, and I respect him. He's the most truly honorable person I've ever met. I think if I'd grown up with somebody like him around my life would be very different now. I think if circumstances were different he and I might be friends. I'm not gonna do something that's gonna hurt both of you."

"So you're rejecting me, to!" she said bitterly.

"Have you listened to a word I just said?"

"Fine," Maxie said, storming out the door. "Have a nice life with Olivia and forget you ever knew me! I just hope you don't have to clean up after her when she gets too old to take care of herself and you're still in your forty's!"

She slammed the door behind her and ran toward her car. Spinelli waited until her car was out of sight before walking up to the door himself.

"What happened to your face?" Johnny asked.

"It doesn't matter," Spinelli said, not wanting to go into the painful details. "Look, I- I walked up just as Maxim-"

He stopped, hearing her screaming in his head for him never to call her that again.

"Just as Maxie's car pulled up. I heard everything you said and I-"

He looked away, then looked back.

"Thank you for what you said to her, and for not taking her up on her offer. I- I didn't believe until today that you did not have designs on her, even after we were engaged. I was needlessly jealous and I hope you'll accept my humble apology."

"You don't need to apologize. It's not like I didn't give you reasons to be jealous."

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment.

"Are we cool?" Johnny asked, giving him a tentative smile.

"We're cool," Spinelli agreed, holding out his hand, which Johnny shook firmly.

As he concluded his business with Johnny and headed back to Casa De Stone Cold to continue searching for his latest client's missing daughter, he reflected on how strange life was. He had just lost the love of his life, but gained a new potential friend in the process. But he knew that would never fill the void left by his lost Maximista's absence, or erase the pain of her last words to him, and her final act before she'd given him back his ring. More than anything, that slap and the fact that she had tried to sleep with Johnny to get back at Spinelli and Mack drove home the point that their relationship was over. He was not only going home to find vital information for his client, but to face his now uncertain future.


	4. The Commissioner's Command

"I don't have a lot of time," Mack said the next morning, "so I'm gonna talk and you're gonna listen. Then you're gonna do what I want you to do without question."

Spinelli hadn't slept well the night before. He was physically and emotionally exhausted and this was the last thing he needed this morning. He had just opened the door to leave for the office and found Mack standing there, looking as if he had to swallow something awful.

"Maxie hasn't spoken to me since the night you walked out on her. She's mad at me for threatening to disown her, which I admit was a very stupid thing to do; I can't blame her. She'll forgive me if you take her back, so that's what you're gonna do."

"What?" Spinelli asked, feeling a glimmer of hope.

Was Mack giving in? Would he allow them to be together? Would he finally accept Spinelli as his son in-law?

"You'll take her back and come to me and tell me that you're back together. You'll convince Maxie to come to the station so you can tell me in your own weird way. You will not be engaged; you will tell me that you've called off the wedding. I'll agree to let you be friends, but you will never date, or marry, my daughter, not as long as there is breath in my body."

So that was his plan; Maxie would accept him if Spinelli went back to just being friends with her and they were both just supposed to deny that they'd even been in love. Mack didn't want them together; he wanted them together on his terms. He wanted to control their lives. It wasn't good enough that he'd destroyed them completely; he had to try to force them to be his puppets. He had to make sure he controlled their love life, or lack thereof, so he could make his daughter think he was allowing her to have her freedom of choice. But he would force them to deny their feelings and still be policing their reunion. When the time came, Mack would find another way to ruin even that reunion. He wanted Spinelli out of Maxie's life and Spinelli knew that if he gave in now, Mack would eventually have his way again, and the next time he wouldn't even be allowed to have Maxie as a friend.

But even if Spinelli agreed, it wouldn't work, not after yesterday. Maxie hated him now. She had slapped him and given him back his ring. She had admitted that she never had any intention of marrying him, that it had all been planned as a rebellion against Mack and a way to humiliate Spinelli. How could he have any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise, with someone who had thought so little of him to begin with?

Her feelings toward him had never changed. He had thought they had when they'd been in the sewer, but he saw now that he never should have believed her. She'd been lying to him for over a year and he'd stupidly believed every word.

"I would have left you standing at the alter," she had said just before backhanding him, "so everybody would see you for the gullible freak you really are."

He had been in love with her; she had proven yesterday that she'd never really loved him. She had been using him, just like she used everyone else. He had thought he was different. How could he have been so wrong?

He felt nothing but anger now for both of them; Mack for his part in their downfall and Maxie for making him believe she could ever love him.

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" he demanded, his fury at this hypocrite lending a belligerence to his tone that surprised him. "Arrest me?"

"If I have to," Mack said through clenched teeth.

"You just love to throw your weight around, don't you, Commissioner?"

He gave the title as much sarcasm and contempt as he could put into his voice. He would love nothing more than to be with Maxie again, but he knew it was not possible. Mack would abuse his power in order to see to it that they never ended up together. Besides, too much had been said and done. It was too late. Maxie had proven that yesterday.

"What kind of sick game do you think you're playing? You think you can just play with people's lives? You think you can get Maxie and everyone associated with her to do whatever you want just because she's your daughter and you're the Police Commissioner? You're the one who caused this! You're the one who caused the devastation on Maxie's face when you, the man she'd thought would never leave her for any reason, told her she would no longer be your daughter if she continued to see the man she loves!"

He heard her voice contradicting him in the back of his mind, reiterating that she'd never loved him, but he didn't think Mack knew about that, and it wouldn't do Spinelli any good to tell him. It would only complicate the conversation. Besides, whether or not she'd loved him, the principle remained. Mack had hurt her and it was up to Mack, not Spinelli, to fix their problem.

"How dare she marry someone who doesn't meet with your approval? How dare she think for herself and follow her own heart? You couldn't have that, could you? No, you had to keep her in line! I did what I did for her; it's up to you now, and only you, to repair the rift in your relationship. Don't you dare try to get me to do your dirty work for you!"

"You're the reason she's not talking to me! You deserted her!"

"I deserted-"

He couldn't believe his ears. He was so angry he couldn't even think of what to say.

He thought back to that night, to Mack's threat, to Maxie's look of hurt disbelief. Suddenly he knew exactly what to say. He spoke in a low, cold voice that gradually rose with anger with every point he made until he was practically screaming.

"You will not put your actions on me! Yes, I walked out, but I walked out because I love her! I was not the one who told her I would disown her; that was you! I was not the one who basically told her she would no longer have a father if she married me; that was you! If she's not talking to you now, that's your problem, not mine!! I've been avoiding her so she would make up with you and yesterday she saw me on the peer! I wouldn't budge because I know she needs you back in her life, so she gave me this just before she gave me back the ring!"

He pointed to the still painful bruise on his face; it had swollen his left eye half shut. But the pain caused by the slap was nothing compared to the pain Maxie had inflicted on his heart.

"This is your fault, Commissioner, not mine! You destroyed our future and you destroyed your relationship with Maxie! You're the one who's gonna fix that, not me! I'm done! You hate me and now so does she, so now you can find someone you want to be her husband! Hey, here's an idea! Why don't you find someone from another country, someone who believes in arranged marriages? That way you can control every aspect of both their lives; or better yet, now you can get her that faithful Golden Retriever you talked about! Remember the one you wanted to replace me when she told you I was always faithful?"

"What's going on?" Jason demanded from the stairs.

Mack and Spinelli looked toward him, surprised. Spinelli had thought he'd left already. He stood in his pajamas, looking sleepy and annoyed.

"Your friend here thinks he can destroy my relationship with my daughter and get away with it," Mack said, glaring at Spinelli.

"Everything Spinelli just said to you was true," Jason said coldly. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I tried to get him to see reason, but-"

"He wants me to take Maxie back so she'll talk to him again, but he thinks he's gonna forbid us from ever dating or marrying!"

"I want my daughter back. Is that a crime?"

"What lies did you tell her after I left that night?" Spinelli demanded.

He lowered his voice and did a fair imitation of Mack.

"He doesn't love you, Maxie. He just proved that. He walked out on you. Trust me, Sweetheart; he'll never be good enough for you. He never loved you; if he did he would have stayed and fought for you."

"That's enough, Spinelli," Jason said, quietly but firmly.

He turned to Mack.

"You wouldn't be having this problem with Maxie if you'd let her and Spinelli live their own lives, Mack. You don't get to come here and blame Spinelli because you did something stupid. Whatever happens between you and Maxie is on you now; Spinelli did his part when he broke off the engagement. It's time for you to man up and fix your own problem and if you try to arrest Spinelli on some phony charge for not doing what you wanted him to do I'll make sure Diane Miller has your job by the end of the day and he'll be out of jail so fast your head will spin! Now get out!"

"This is not over," Mack said, turning around and walking out the door, "not by a long shot!"

Spinelli stood watching him go, glaring after him, breathing hard, his fists clenched. Then he slammed the door with a resounding thud when Mack was out of sight.

Jason gave him an annoyed glare and Spinelli turned to him, feeling a bit sheepish, but not able to dampen his fury at Mack.

"I'm sorry, stone cold. I didn't know you were still asleep. I thought-"

"It's OK, but you gotta calm down."

Spinelli nodded and took a few deep breaths.

"You OK? You don't look so good; your eyes are bloodshot and you're pale."

"I couldn't sleep."

"I don't think Sam would mind if you took a day off."

Spinelli shook his head.

"Jackal PI is working a very important case. He must find a runaway teen. Her poor father is frantic. The cops haven't found her and she's been missing for weeks."

Jason wished him luck with his case, but Spinelli could feel his concerned eyes on him as he walked out the door.

That afternoon, he made a breakthrough in the runaway case. He moved to pick up the phone to call his client when his second unwelcome visitor walked through his office door.

"Where's Jason?" Sonny demanded in his usual "tell me what I want to know or suffer the consequences" manner.

"He was home when I left this morning," Spinelli said distractedly, searching through the file for his client's phone number.

"I didn't ask where he was this morning," Sonny said, halving the distance between them. "I asked where he is now."

"I don't know."

"Find out. He was supposed to meet me an hour ago. He never showed up and he's not answering his cell phone."

Spinelli was not in the mood for this today. This was his office. What made Mr. Sir think he had the right to come in here and give him orders? It was Stone Cold whose name was on his pay checks, not Mr. sir's. It was Stone Cold who respected his skills and appreciated his work, not Mr. Sir. Mr. Sir only thought it acceptable to even come near Spinelli when he wanted something. He never showed any appreciation, never gave any thanks. Normally, that would not have bothered Spinelli, but since he'd lost Maxie, everything bothered him. It scared him that he was so quick to anger over the past week. He'd managed to keep it in check, for the most part, but today was not one of those days. He'd been unfairly harsh with Winifred this morning. He had apologized and she'd accepted, but had still looked hurt. She'd become a good friend; he hoped he would be able to find a way to make it up to her.

He'd been second guessing himself about his conversation with Mack this morning, wondering if most of what he'd said had made any sense even to him. He'd reacted out of anger. Had he over reacted?

Maxie probably would make up with her father if Spinelli took her back. But how long would they have together before Mack gave her another ultimatum? Besides, Maxie had gone running to Johnny, demanding that he sleep with her. How could she have done that if she'd loved Spinelli? He knew she'd been self-destructive, but he'd thought he'd meant more to her. He had walked away because he loved her and didn't want her to lose Mack. She had thrown his sacrifice back in his face and gone to someone she knew Spinelli hadn't trusted. Johnny's rejection of Maxie's advances aside, Maxie had been all too quick to replace the man she'd claimed to love.

There was also the fact that Maxie had told him she never would have married him. Mack had been right; she'd only accepted Spinelli's proposal to get back at her father. She had explained that marriage scared her and had said she would think about his proposal, implying that one day she would accept. He had gone to Mack to show his respect for him as her father by asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. Mack had refused, Maxie had accepted and Spinelli had fallen for it without a single question.

But later she'd been acting strangely and he'd asked her if she was having second thoughts. She had said she was fine. But then she had told him yesterday that she never would have gone through with the wedding; she would have left him, broken and humiliated, at the alter in front of everyone they cared about.

Add to that the fact that she had used Georgie's feelings against him again. He had thought they were past her using her dead sister and his dead friend as a weapon, but apparently he had been wrong about that, too. He had believed everything she'd been telling him, only to have her spit in his face when he was trying to do the only thing someone who really loved her could do, which was to step back and allow her to heal her relationship with her father.

Now Sonny was here, making demands, disrespecting him in his own office. Spinelli decided that for once he was not going to give Sonny the satisfaction of having the one he called "Freaky Boy" at his immediate disposal. Besides, telling Lisa's father that he had a lead on her whereabouts took priority over Sonny's childish need for absolute obedience as if he were a prince and everyone else in Port Charles his humble servant.

A small voice in the back of his head tried to warn him that he might regret this, but he was not willing to listen. Mack had beaten him and he would not have Sonny Corinthos do the same, not in his office, his territory.

"If Mr. Sir would please give The Jackal one moment? I've made a breakthrough in a case and must inform the client-"

Sonny grabbed his shoulder and squeezed hard. He picked him up out of his chair and slammed him against the wall, pinning him there painfully.

"You listen to me," he said in his most dangerous voice. "Ever since you went into this business with Sam you think you can tell me no. You think you can tell me Jason's not available and I'll accept that as your answer when I tell you to call him. You think you can tell me you don't want Johnny showing up here. You think you can tell me you're gonna do something for somebody else when I tell you to do something for me. That's not gonna happen! You're gonna do what I want, when I want, how I want or-"

"Let go of me!" Spinelli heard himself scream furiously.

On the word "go," he punched Sonny in the face as hard as he could.


	5. Bent

Sonny was knocked back a few steps, partly from the force of Spinelli's punch and partly from surprise. Spinelli watched as The Godfather reeled from The Jackal's blow. Part of him felt a sick pleasure at what he'd just done. Another part was afraid it would be his last act. Another part was trying to convince him that it had not happened; he couldn't believe he'd just punched the most dangerous man he knew.

But none of those parts were controlling him at the moment. All his feelings of anger, frustration, loss, grief and pain were coming out in a tirade at Sonny. He couldn't lash out at Mack or Maxie; they were not here. Sonny was, and Sonny had given him a reason. If he wanted to beat Spinelli up, he was going to have a fight on his hands today.

"You are nothing but an overgrown child!" he yelled at Sonny. "You think everybody has to do what you say when you say it just because your name happens to be Sonny Corinthos and you happen to carry a gun! Not me, not ever again! From now on when you come into this office you will treat me with respect or you will get nothing from me! In terms that you can understand, this is my turf and I will not be disrespected! If you wanna beat me up for that I'm standing right in front of you, so do your worst!"

"Don't even think about it," Sam said from the doorway."

"He thinks he's gonna tell me how to behave," Sonny said, moving toward Spinelli again.

"What did I just tell you, Sonny?" Sam demanded. "Don't move one more step closer to him or I'll have you arrested for trespassing and assault. I saw you grab his shoulder and slam him against the wall. I heard what you said. You attacked him first; he was defending himself."

"I gave him an order, Sam!"

"What makes you think you can give anybody orders in this building?"

Before Sonny could answer, Sam pointed to the sign above the door.

"Read that sign out loud to me," she told Sonny.

"Sam, come on!"

"Read it! Now!"

Sonny gave a long-suffering sigh.

"McCall and Jackal Private Investigators. Samantha McCall and Damien Spinelli proprietors."

"What's my name?"

"Are you serious?"

"Answer the question. What is my name."

"Sam McCall."

"What's his name?" she asked, indicating Spinelli.

"I know his name."

Sam glared at him. Sonny sighed again.

"Damien Spinelli."

"Where does it say on that sign that Sonny Corinthos gets to come in here whenever he wants and start pushing either of us around? Do you think that's implied? Where is it implied anywhere on that sign that you have any authority here?"

"This little-"

"Don't start or I'll let him hit you again! This is not OK, Sonny! The sixth grade playground bully crap you like to pull on him is not gonna fly in here! Maxie told me about how you rammed his head into a wall. She told me about how you take pleasure in humiliating him and beating him down emotionally every chance you get. Well, that's not gonna happen in this building. These are our offices and you will treat me and him with respect at all times when you come in here, including when one of us is not here. If one of us is not here, you do not disrespect that person to the other. If you can't handle that, don't even think of coming in here! This is not Sonny Corinthos land where every other human being is your subject. These are the offices of McCall and Jackal and McCall and Jackal are the ones who make the rules. Do you understand me?"

Sonny said nothing. He seemed to be trying to decide between throwing something and leaving in a huff.

"I asked you a question; I expect an answer!"

"Why are you babying him?"

"I'm not babying him; I'm trying to get you to act like a grownup! Why did you attack him?"

"He thinks he can make me wait while he deals with somebody else."

"He can and you will. If you don't wanna wait, get out of here and Spinelli will get back to you at his earliest convenience."

"His earliest convenience? I have to wait for him?"

"That's right. This is his office and he's the one who does what he wants, how he wants, when he wants, and with no input from you! He needed to contact his client; you had no right to try to stop him for any reason!"

"Why are you being so mean to me, Sam? What'd I do to you?"

Sonny's voice was a child's whine that got on Spinelli's last nerve, and he could see that it was having the same effect on Sam.

"You attacked my partner! Now do you understand what I told you before or not?"

"Yes," Sonny said in a petulant "whatever" tone.

"Good. Now get out of here."

"What about what I wanted Spinelli to do?"

Sam's only response was a menacing glare.

"All right. All right. I'm going."

But he paused in the doorway when Sam called his name.

"I better not see so much as a paper cut on Spinelli. Understood?"

Sonny nodded sulkily, then left, slamming the door behind him.

"Thank you," Spinelli said softly.

"Did he do that to your face before I came and saw him grab you?"

Spinelli shook his head.

"That was Maxie yesterday."

This was the first time Sam had been in the office. She'd been in the field all morning.

"Maxie hit you?"

Sam listened with growing shock as Spinelli told her about his meeting with Maxie on the peer.

"Wow," she said quietly, touching his shoulder, "I am so sorry."

He nodded sadly.

"Then Commissioner Scorpio came to Casa De Stone Cold this morning and ordered me to take Maxie back so she would make up with him. We're not allowed to show our true feelings; he only expects us to be friends and never anything more."

"First he forces you to push her away, now he tries to get you to take her back to suit his own agenda?"

Spinelli nodded.

"Did you hit him, too?"

Sam sounded as if she hoped he had. Spinelli shook his head, staring off into space.

"Hey," she said quietly, gripping his shoulder gently.

He didn't look at her.

"Spinelli, talk to me."

He looked back at her, trying to figure out how to put his feelings into words.

"What am I becoming?" he asked softly.

Sam took her hand from his shoulder and put her arm around him, pulling him into a one-armed hug. He began to speak in a panicked voice.

"I hit him. I hit Mr. Sir. Am I losing my mind? How could I do that? How could I hit anyone, never mind Sonny Corinthos? What is wrong with me?"

"You're hurting, and most people would say that doesn't excuse you hitting someone, but who am I to talk? Look at what I did to Elizabeth and her boys. But Sonny's had that coming for a long time, Spinelli, and I have to admit I was glad to see you give it to him. I've seen him go from woman to woman without a single thought for the previous one's feelings; that's how Jason and I ended up together the first time. He didn't want me anymore; he wanted Carly. I was just an inconvenience. But I was pregnant, which meant he couldn't just forget about me, so he assigned Jason to take care of me. He takes Jason for granted and takes advantage of him every chance he gets and then when Jason doesn't follow his orders to the letter he punishes him by pulling him into a mob war that he was trying to prevent! He's having children left and right when he can't even protect the ones he has; look at what happened to Michael! He can't stay married for five minutes either because he cheats or because the minute his wife does something he doesn't like he screams betrayal! He dumps Kate so he can marry Claudia just to keep his power when he claimed that he loved Kate enough to try to get out of the mob. Yeah, he tried so hard the minute the opportunity presented itself to get back in he jumped into bed with Karpov and Jake was kidnapped during the mob war Sonny started by killing Karpov! Jason tries to keep his child safe, but as long as Sonny gets what he wants, who cares how many children get hurt? He has no reason to treat you the way he does. He lives in his own little world where if he doesn't like the facts he twists them around or ignores them to suit his plans. He's delusional enough to think that if he says something is true it is, facts or no facts. He thinks he's God and there are way too many people who let him go on thinking it, but there are also plenty of people who don't agree. Jason lets him do what he wants out of some misguided sense of loyalty, but if Sonny thinks I'm gonna fall in line with that just because Jason and I are back together he's in for a very rude awakening! Someone had to put him in his place and you and I, Partner, were the perfect ones to do that."

She gave him a warm, encouraging smile. He knew she was hoping he would return it, but he couldn't.

"I don't like myself lately. I don't like my behavior; it scares me. I'm losing my temper so easily. I hit Mr. Sir. I became belligerent with the Police Commissioner and Winifred did not deserve my harsh tone this morning!"

"The Priestess understands," Winifred said gently from the door opposite the one Sonny had closed behind him. "I know you've been hurting, Spinelli. I can't imagine your pain and I know you did not mean to hurt me this morning. All is forgiven."

He forced a smile, seeing in her eyes that she was sincere.

"Thank you, Priestess."

"How much have you slept since you broke up with Maxie?" Sam asked, looking intently at his pale face.

He shrugged.

"It depends; sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Last night I could not. Images and sounds keep disturbing my dreams, especially last night. The venom in her words, her eyes, that slap… But I do sleep most nights, except that I have nightmares of losing her in different ways, in situations from which Stone Cold and his Grasshopper were able to save her before. I suppose it's my subconscious insisting on reminding me that I saved her, or helped save her, only to lose her in the end. As much as I would like to lay all the blame at her father's feet, the fault is equally mine. I wasn't good enough for her and part of me always knew that. Her father knew it and finally forced me into a corner. She only emphasized the point when she told me her true reason for accepting my proposal."

"She slapped you?" Winifred asked angrily.

Spinelli nodded.

"How could she?"

"The things she said were worse. She said I was a gullible freak and she would have left me at the alter. The only reason she agreed to marry me was because her father was so repulsed by the very idea of me being anywhere in Maxie's orbit."

Sam tightened her arm around him.

"It's typical Maxie. I understand it, but I don't condone it. Find someone you love, then destroy them, hurting yourself in the process. I'm in no position to judge, but-"

Spinelli held up a hand to silence her.

"What Fair Samantha did is in the past. Stone Cold and Elizabeth forgave you; so did Lucky. You would never again do what you did then, would you?"

Sam shook her head emphatically.

"Not under any circumstances."

"You learn from your mistakes," Winifred said. "Clearly Minimista does not."

Sam looked at Spinelli expectantly, but Spinelli said nothing. He knew Maxie and Winifred didn't like each other. Besides, Maxie had hurt him yesterday. She had hurt him more than he thought anyone could ever hurt him. There was no way he could defend her; he just didn't have it in him now.

Besides, he had himself to worry about. He was turning into someone he didn't know. He was hitting people. It didn't matter that Sonny had attacked him first; Spinelli had actually punched him. He was being unfairly, uncharacteristically, harsh with his friends, who only wanted to help him. He was becoming like Maxie; angry, bitter, spiteful. He had asked Mr. Sir to wait for him to make a phone call just to spite him. Yes, Mr. Cavanaugh needed to know about Lisa, but Spinelli could have taken a few minutes to find Stone Cold for Mr. Sir. Before last week, he would have, and without complaint. After all, he knew how much he annoyed Mr. Sir, and without even trying. All he'd managed to do today was make someone who already hated him hate him even more. Something had bent inside him and he was afraid that soon it would break and he would become unrecognizable to himself and everyone who cared about him.

"I know what you did to Sonny scares you," Sam said gently, "but I also understand why you did it, and everything you said to him was dead on. Between the smack down you gave him and the one I gave him, I think he's gonna think twice before coming in here and acting like he owns the place and everyone in it."

"You were wrong before," Winifred said, coming up on his other side and putting her hand on his shoulder. "It is Maxie who was never good enough for you."

The two women smiled at him. He tried to smile back, but couldn't manage it. He didn't think he'd genuinely smiled since before that horrible dinner when he'd lost his Maximista forever. Not only had he lost his love, but he was losing himself, too. He was terrified that if something didn't change soon, he would look in a mirror for the rest of his life and never see the same person he'd been a week ago again. A stranger would stare back at him, someone who mistreated everyone around him, someone like Logan Hayes or Sonny Corinthos. If that happened, he would lose not only Maxie, but everyone and everything else he loved.

He left the office that day after calling Mr. Cavanaugh, not knowing that Jason would give him exactly what he needed to reestablish the balance in his life. As usual, his friend and mentor had the answer.


	6. A Direct Order and a Reunion

Sam offered to drive him home; she wanted to see Jason. They had gotten back together while they were looking for Sonny's runaway teens and Spinelli was happy for them. As they approached the door of the penthouse, they heard Sonny and Jason arguing and rolled their eyes at each other.

"It's partly my fault he hit you today."

Spinelli felt his eyebrows go up in confusion. Why would Stone Cold take responsibility for that? He hadn't even been there.

"I should have put a stop to your crap when the office was mine and you called him Freaky Boy and threw him out just because he tried to apologize to you for an honest mistake."

"He barged in on me and Kate-"

"Having sex at her work place! Somebody opens the door to an office they expect to see the people in that office working, not doing what you and Kate were doing. If Maxie'd been alone you wouldn't have treated her that way, would you?"

Sonny didn't answer.

"You would have accepted her apology, wouldn't you?"

"He's out, Jason," Sonny said, ignoring Jason's question. "He's fired. I mean it!"

"I'm not firing him just because you both had a bad day. I'm the one who pays him and he hasn't done anything to make me wanna fire him."

"Disrespecting me and hitting me doesn't make you wanna fire him?" Sonny asked incredulously.

"What did you tell me when I told you why I wanted Logan Hayes out of the organization? I came to you and told you about him laying Spinelli out on the floor of the coffee house and what did you say? You told me to tell Spinelli to man up and stand up for himself. Then you started telling me about your problems with your current girlfriend of the minute! It didn't matter to you that Logan was bigger and stronger than Spinelli and had military training; you just wanted to get off the subject so you could whine at me that somebody else was kissing your girlfriend! You want Spinelli to be a man and stand up for himself and today when he does that you want him punished for it? What did you mean, Sonny? Do you want him to be a man and stand up for himself all the time, or only when you want him to, or do you want him to stand up to everybody except you?"

Sam opened the door and pulled Spinelli in behind her. Spinelli closed the door behind him.

"Sonny always did think he could have his cake and eat it, too," Sam said. "As for Spinelli's disrespecting him, why should Spinelli respect him when Sonny has never once shown him even an ounce of respect or even common courtesy? Respect is earned, not ordered, Sonny, and it's time you learned to take back what you dish out. Here's a lesson most kids learn in school, but I guess you chose not to listen when it was taught, or maybe you dropped out before they taught it. If you want respect, you give respect. If you're not gonna respect Spinelli, he's under no obligation to respect you."

Sonny glared at Spinelli, who remained silent.

"Don't you have anything to say? Yah got your friends ganging up on me, so why don't you join in?"

Spinelli shook his head, suddenly feeling tired. He just wanted this day to be over. He wanted to talk to Jason about his fears. He wanted to go to sleep. He wanted to be anywhere Sonny Corinthos was not. He wanted to forget that he ever knew Maxie. He considered that thought for a moment, realized that never knowing Maxie might mean never knowing Georgie, and took back the wish. Georgie had been his dearest friend; he would never trade a nanosecond with her.

Part of him also wanted to apologize to Sonny. What right did he have to defy Mr. Sir? He was Sonny Corinthos and Spinelli was only the humble servant whose only real asset in life was his cyber skill. He should have done what Mr. sir wanted in the first place and then all of this could have been avoided. Now he had Sam and Jason defending him when he didn't deserve it. But he felt as if their defense would be for nothing if he backed down. Rather than make the situation worse, he decided to volunteer nothing and say as little as possible, just like you were supposed to do in this business with the police.

"I said all I wanted to say to you back at my office," he said quietly to Sonny.

Sonny shrugged, giving him a smug smile.

"You wanna hit me again?"

Spinelli shook his head again.

"I made my point."

"He made his point," Sonny mocked. "He hits me once and yells at me a little bit and then Sam rides in to his rescue."

"What more do you want, Sonny?" Sam asked. "Did you want him to pull out a gun and shoot you?"

Sonny laughed derisively.

"He'd probably end up killing himself instead."

"All right," Jason said, "enough. I'm not firing Spinelli and that's all there is to it. You shouldn't be beating him up and insulting him. He works hard for us, Sonny, and you never give him any credit for all he does; you only focus on what he doesn't do, or that he didn't do it the way you wanted, or how fast you wanted. You're always picking on him just because he talks and acts different from most people. Nothing he ever says or does is ever good enough for you. All he ever gets from you is insults and humiliation."

"What's with you?" Sonny demanded. "I don't get it, Jason; you used to do what I wanted without question, but ever since this kid came along it's like pulling teeth!"

"I used to do what you wanted without question because I didn't know any better. You gave orders, you were the boss, I followed them. Spinelli didn't make me stop following all your orders; I just learned to think for myself."

Sonny stared at him, clearly unsure of what to say.

"You need ice for that," Sam said to Spinelli, seeing him rubbing his hurt shoulder.

"Do you want Mommy Sam to kiss it and make it better?" Sonny asked in a baby voice as Sam headed for the kitchen.

Spinelli felt his face heat with anger. Sam was trying to help a friend and getting nothing but ridicule from Sonny. He thought he was ridiculing Spinelli, and he was, but Sam's kind gestures were being mocked by the man who had slept with her and impregnated her, then thrown her aside so he could go back to The Valkyrie, a woman who had been thrown aside for him countless times before and had been again soon after.

"Come on, Sonny," Jason said angrily. "You attacked him and he defended himself. He did what you wanted; he stood up for himself. Cut it out!"

"He punched me in the face!" Sonny yelled.

"You grabbed him and slammed him against the wall!" Sam yelled back as she handed Spinelli the ice pack. "This isn't the first time either; you got what was coming to you!"

Spinelli ran his fingers through his hair with one hand, accepting the ice pack with the other.

"Thank you," he said to Sam. "I think we're going around in circles."

Jason nodded.

"You stay away from their building and he won't hit you again," he told Sonny.

"He didn't follow my orders! He tried to make me wait while he made a phone call!"

"Was the phone call to that client you were telling me about this morning?" Jason asked Spinelli, who nodded.

"He's not allowed to call clients in his place of business?" Jason asked Sonny.

"We help Jason because he's our friend," Sam said. " McCall and Jackal accept no payment from him, and he's tried to pay us. We don't work for the mob; Spinelli is still paid by Jason for his tech support, but hopefully once the business takes off he won't have to be anymore. Jason's hoping the PI business will be enough for Spinelli and he can get out of this dangerous life before he loses too much to it. As I was saying, our agency doesn't work for you, Sonny. That means neither of us have to take orders from you, ever. Spinelli used to do that because he was afraid of you, but no more. From now on you don't come near our offices. I've had it with you! The next time I see you anywhere near Spinelli or our building, I'll hire security guards and give them orders not to allow you in under any circumstances. We'll get a restraining order if we have to. Your days of terrorizing Spinelli in his own office are over!"

"You agree with this?" Sonny asked Jason, who nodded.

"And of course, you do, too," Sonny said to Spinelli.

Spinelli didn't respond. Anything he said would only prolong this pointless conversation. Besides, he was hoping Sonny would leave soon so he could confide his doubts and fears in his mentor.

Sonny glared at all three of them, then stalked out, slamming yet another door behind him. They all stood in silence for a moment, then Jason motioned for Spinelli to sit down.

"Sam, can you give us a few minutes?" Jason asked.

"Sure. I'll go get us dinner from Kelly's. You both want your usual?"

"Please," Jason said.

Spinelli wasn't hungry, but didn't want Sam to think he didn't appreciate her offer and also nodded.

"Yes, please," he said.

"I'm worried about you," Jason said when Sam closed the door.

Spinelli stared into space.

"I understand that you're hurting and I'm not saying that you didn't have a right to defend yourself, but hitting Sonny was reckless."

"I know."

"And what if you got physical with Mack this morning? You could have been arrested."

"That's what scares me, Stone Cold. I never get physical unless someone else is in danger. I hit that guy who verbally attacked Leyla and I don't regret that. For all I know he could have become physically abusive towards her. I knocked Fair Lulu out at the Black and White ball because it was the only way to keep her from getting herself killed; she refused to listen to me and I had no other choice. But today with Mr. Sir, I-"

He spread his hands and looked at Jason.

"He grabbed me and I lost it. I felt like-"

He paused, trying to think how to explain.

"I felt like I was watching someone else hit him. I was angry and I couldn't control it; Maxie, Mack, Sonny… I felt like everything was pushing in on me all at once and if I didn't hit someone I was gonna explode."

"I think you need a break, Spinelli. The only time you weren't working for me over the past two years has been because you were in the hospital or home recovering, and even then you were probably working before you should have been."

"You know me, Stone Cold. I need to focus my attention or I'll have too much time to think."

Jason nodded.

"Then go somewhere else. If you wanna be on your computer helping me and your clients, fine, but don't do it in Port Charles for a while. All your problems are here. Go somewhere else and get away from them for a while and then come back when you've had some distance."

Spinelli looked at him doubtfully.

"The Grasshopper cannot provide his mentor the support he requires if-"

"Spinelli, we have cell phones. If I really need you I can call you and you can give me what I need over the phone."

"But what about my client? I still need to find his daughter."

"You and Sam can work together on that. She'll talk to him in person if she needs to and you find the information. You haven't had a real vacation in almost three years; you've more than earned it. You haven't seen your grandmother in a long time. Why don't you go back to Oakfield for a couple of weeks?"

Jason correctly took Spinelli's silence for insecurity. He had told Georgie once that he needed to know that his home would still be there when he came back. He had no assurance of that with Jason. He was living in Casa De Stone Cold in exchange for his cyber skills. Jason also paid him a salary, but it was the home and the sense of family, of belonging, that he valued above all else. What if he left and came back to find that Stone Cold had found someone better to replace him, or that Mr. Sir had somehow forced Stone Cold to fire him?

"Your room will still be here when you get back and so will your job. Sam wouldn't find a new partner and I wouldn't find a another roommate or a new tech guy."

"But what's my client gonna think if-"

"You'll tell him you had to leave town on an urgent matter, but that you're still working on his case," Sam said, having opened the door as Jason mentioned going back to Oakfield.

She'd been silent, laying out the food and waiting for Spinelli's response.

"It's settled then," Jason said with finality. "You'll have dinner, then make your travel arrangements."

Spinelli knew when Jason was giving him a direct order, and this was definitely one of those times. He still had his doubts, but knew that arguing would get him no where. He had no choice but to comply with Stone Cold's wishes.

But he was still wondering if leaving Port Charles had been a wise decision as he got off the plane. He met his Granny at the gate and hugged her tightly.

"I've missed you," he said softly.

"I've missed you, too. You look tired."

"I've had a bad week; I haven't been sleeping well."

She looked at him sternly.

"Are you in some kind of trouble?"

She'd been surprised to receive his phone call. He called her faithfully every week, but had never asked to come home before. He shook his head.

"Do you need money?"

"No, I'm not in any legal trouble and no one is after me, and I definitely don't need money. I just need to be away from Port Charles for a while."

"But what about your wedding? It's next week and I was gonna see you then."

"There won't be a wedding," he said painfully, unable to look at her. "Maxie and I are over."

He knew the look she was giving him very well. She didn't know whether to be sympathetic or disappointed.

"Let's go home. I'll fix you something to eat and you can tell me what happened."

He wasn't hungry, but he knew she wanted to help and that he needed to eat something.

It was lunch time by the time they got back to Granny's cottage, so she made him a grilled cheese sandwich and gave him barbecue chips and orange soda.

"I stocked up when you said you were coming home for a while," she said, smiling at him.

He smiled back slightly. He knew she knew it was forced.

"I've never seen you look so unhappy," she said quietly.

He said nothing. He wanted to tell her, but didn't know where to start. Should he start with how he and Maxie had gotten together? That would mean reliving Georgie's death. Should he start with the Commissioner's ultimatum to Maxie? That would mean explaining why Mack didn't want Spinelli marrying his daughter.

"Eat up and then we'll talk," Granny said.

Spinelli felt a rush of gratitude. She always seemed to know when and when not to press him. He began to agree with Jason. Coming back to Oakfield, to Granny, might be exactly what he needed.


	7. Damien

"You ready to talk yet?" Granny asked once he was finished eating and they sat on the couch.

They could hear the sound of the moderate rain as it fell on the roof. The sky had been gray when his plane had landed; now the rain was falling and it looked as if it would be raining all afternoon.

"I'm not sure where to begin."

He tried not to slip into his Jackal persona when he was with her. She didn't understand Cyberspace and was paranoid about his using computers. If she knew how much of her paranoia was justified by what he could do with a computer, she would probably be appalled. He had always been Damien to her, and although it was strange to hear his first name after almost three years of being Spinelli, it made him feel strangely comforted. It made him feel that at least Granny, the cottage and Oakfield itself had stayed the same, even if the rest of his life had been completely altered by his experiences in, and by the people of, Port Charles.

"I know Maxie's the sister of that poor girl you found in the park, your friend, Georgie."

He nodded.

"Was that what brought you and Maxie together?"

"We couldn't stand each other before that. Then we worked together to find her killer and we began to understand each other. We became friends, then we fell in love, or so I thought."

"Don't you love her?"

"I do; she doesn't love me."

"Then why did she agree to marry you?"

He sighed. How did he even begin to explain this? What could he tell her that would explain Mack's hatred for him? Granny always knew when he was lying. How could he keep his involvement with the mob out of this?

"I've loved her for over a year. I tried to tell her so many times, but something always stopped me. It was usually because I was afraid to tell her; I didn't know how she would react. The first time I told her she was unconscious. She'd been attacked and I found her in the same place I found Georgie."

"That must have been awful!"

He nodded, closing his eyes against both painful memories.

"I thought the same thing had happened to her. I couldn't get an ambulance, so I carried her to the hospital myself. I told her then; part of me was hoping she'd wake up and hear me."

"She didn't?"

He shook his head.

"She did wake up shortly after, but then her father came in and-"

"Yu lost the opportunity."

He nodded, deciding not to go into the verbal beating Mack had given him. To do that, he would have to explain Mack's feelings toward him. He would have to do that eventually, but he was putting it off as long as possible until he could figure out how to explain those feelings without revealing that he was associated with the mob. It was more than just him wanting to protect Jason and keep Granny from being angry or disappointed in him; he didn't want to put her in danger if someone ever decided to hurt Stone Cold through him, and Spinelli through Granny.

"The next time I told her she fell asleep during my confession."

"How rude!"

"It really wasn't her fault; she had returned from a very important business engagement. It was a success, but she was exhausted. She fell asleep in my bed and I went and slept on the couch."

Granny nodded approvingly.

"So she didn't hear you tell her you loved her that time either."

"No, she finally told me she loved me a couple of months ago. But-"

He looked away. There was no more avoiding it. He had to tell her about Mack.

"Her father doesn't like me. In fact, he doesn't want me anywhere near her. He refused me when I asked for her hand in marriage and Maxie defied him; she accepted my proposal, anyway. But the wedding was causing problems between them and finally he said something he can't take back. I can't be the reason she loses him."

"He's her father; he loves her. Parents say things they don't mean, Damien; you know that."

"No matter how angry I made you, Granny, you never would have threatened to disown me."

She looked shocked.

"He did that?"

"He did, and Maxie was devastated."

"You called it off, didn't you? It was the only thing you could do for her, wasn't it?"

He nodded.

"As it turns out, it was a blessing in disguise. She met me on the peer a week later and told me she wouldn't have gone through with it. She admitted that the only reason she accepted my proposal was because her father had tried to refuse; she was defying him. I can't believe it was only the day before yesterday. She was angry with me and told me she would have left me at the alter. She's been playing me, using me to hurt her father. She never had any intention of marrying me. I should have known; she acted as if she was having second thoughts, but when I asked her about it she said she was fine and went on with the wedding plans."

As he spoke, that last meeting on the peer replayed itself in his mind and he had to look away again. He stared at the falling rain, not really seeing it.

"But she told you she loved you."

"And I believed her. The other day, after she confessed her true motives and gave me back her engagement ring, I caught her trying to get someone else to sleep with her, someone she'd been attracted to and worked with for a while. They hurt my friend because they couldn't deny their attraction; he was Lulu's boyfriend. He asked to see me about something and I heard her tell him she wanted him to sleep with her to punish me and her father."

"Lulu, that girl who came with Jason Morgan looking for you a couple of years ago."

"The same."

"Did her boyfriend take Maxie up on her offer?"

"No, in fact, we've developed the beginnings of a friendship because he rejected her advances."

"That girl put you through a ringer," she said sympathetically.

He looked away from her, again staring out the window at the rain, which was falling harder now.

"What happened to your face? And that shoulder looks swollen. Did you get into a fight?"

"No, Maxie slapped me and someone else grabbed me and slammed me against the wall of my office in a completely unrelated matter."

They were silent for a minute; Granny was leaving him to his own thoughts, letting him speak if and when he wanted.

"I'm such an idiot! How could I be stupid enough to think someone like Maxie could love someone like me?"

"She's the idiot here, not you. She deceived you and then ripped you to shreds when you sacrificed your own happiness for hers. You know how to love; she's made it pretty obvious that she has no idea."

"The one person who truly did love me, the one person who thought I was special, is dead. I didn't know Georgie was in love with me until it was too late. The cops, one cop actually, decided I had killed her based on emails she never sent me. They found them on her computer. She was in love with me and I never knew."

"Georgie?"

He nodded.

"She wasn't the only one, Damien. Georgie was not the only person who thinks you're special. I know you are, even when I don't show it, and I have a feeling Jason does, too. You wouldn't be living with him all this time if he didn't."

"I think of him as a brother, and I know you think I'm special, but you're family. It was different with Georgie. I hurt her when she was alive and my failure to notice her feelings for me-"

He looked out the window again.

"If I'd known how she felt, she might still be alive."

"She was murdered. There was nothing you could have done to stop that whether or not you'd known she loved you."

He knew that intellectually, but that couldn't stop the guilt.

"As for Maxie, if she could do something so cruel to you, if she could make you think she loved you and then deliberately hurt you, she's not worth your time. You deserve better; you'll find better."

"Do I deserve better after what I did to Georgie? Maxie herself said Georgie would still be alive if I'd had the brains to see how she really felt about me, and the other day she reminded me again that I couldn't see her sister's feelings because I was too busy trying to get Lulu to fall in love with me, and then when I accepted that she would not I was still trying to protect her from her own bad choices, which I was also unable to do. Her bad choices eventually forced her into a situation where she had to kill someone in self-defense."

He stopped. He hadn't planned to tell her that part. Granny looked surprised, but didn't ask.

"You would never hurt anyone on purpose; Georgie had to have known that. What's happening to you now is not God punishing you for what you couldn't see; it's because Maxie is punishing you for doing what you believe to be the right thing. You're not a bad person; you don't deserve to be alone and mistreated because Georgie wasn't honest with you about her feelings."

"Granny!"

"I'm not blaming Georgie for Maxie's actions, or for yours. You were pursuing a girl who didn't want you and then you were trying to be a good friend to that same girl. But you're a human being, Damien; that means you're not perfect. You said you were afraid to tell Maxie you were in love with her; that was how Georgie felt."

"I know," he said miserably. "I made her feel invisible."

"And Maxie did the same to you until she found a use for you."

He said nothing, stung by her harsh words.

"Damien, I didn't say that to hurt you," she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm trying to make you see that you're not responsible for anybody's actions but your own. If Georgie had been honest with you, then your actions would have been different. But that wouldn't have stopped her murder. If Lulu had not put herself in danger you would not have had to try to protect her and she would not have killed in self-defense; you didn't cause any of that."

"If I'd handled things differently-"

"You can't change that now," she said gently. "All you can do is learn, from your mistakes and from theirs."

He knew she was right. But he also knew things she couldn't know. He knew Logan worked for Sonny, an then for Anthony Zacchara. He knew Maxie and Georgie's father was the Police Commissioner and abhorred everything Jason stood for, or at least what he believed Jason stood for. The Constant Commissioner knew nothing of the true feelings and beliefs of The Master.

They sat in silence again. Granny watched him as he stared out at the pouring, unrelenting rain. But then she asked the question Spinelli had been dreading.

"What has Maxie's father got against you, anyway? Is it just because you wanted to marry his daughter, or was it because he feels the same way you and Maxie do, that Georgie would be alive if you'd known she loved you?"

He couldn't lie. If he left something out or tried to change something, she would know; she could spot a lie a mile away, especially from her own grandson. He only prayed that he would not lose her, too, once he confessed everything. Most of him believed what he'd told her before; no matter how angry she got with him, she would never threatened to disown him. He only hoped the small part of him that screamed at him that she would not only disown him, but hate him, was wrong and that his core belief that she would always love him would not be shattered by her reaction to the news that her grandson worked for one of Port Charles's many mobsters.


	8. Lisa

But his explanation was postponed by a commotion outside, a sound of rattling garbage cans.

"Darned raccoons!" Granny said with annoyance.

"That sounded too big to be a raccoon," Spinelli said, standing up.

He went and looked out the kitchen window, which looked out on the garbage cans. There was a figure lying among spilled trash and mud from the rain.

"Granny, I think someone's hurt out there!"

He ran out with Granny following close behind. The figure was lying face down; it was definitely a person. He rolled the seemingly unconscious one over and received a shock.

"Lisa!" he said, unaware that he'd verbalized his thought.

The girl didn't move. Her eyes were open and she looked to be in pain; she didn't seem aware that he'd spoken, or even that he and Granny were there.

"You know this girl?" Granny asked, looking at her over his shoulder.

"I was hired to find her a few days ago. Her poor, distraught father has been searching for her for weeks; the police have turned up nothing. I had a lead on her yesterday. She'd snuck aboard a bus leaving New York. Her father didn't believe she had any cash with her. I had no idea she'd end up here."

"God must have wanted you to find her," Granny said, smiling at him. "Let's get her in the house. The poor child is soaked to the skin."

Spinelli took her head and Granny took her feet. He could feel even before he touched her that she was burning up. Together, they carried her into the couch and laid her down.

"You said her name is Lisa?" Granny asked.

He nodded.

"Lisa?" Granny asked, gently shaking her shoulder. "Wake up, Honey. Can you hear me?"

She stirred and groaned.

"I don't feel good."

Her voice was a painful croak.

"I'm gonna call the doctor," Granny said. "You stay with her."

"OK."

Spinelli had picked up Lisa's backpack and thrown it over his shoulder before lifting her. He took it off now and found her identification. He wondered how she'd managed not to be found before now. But it was fortunate for him that she'd had ID. He'd been surprised into saying her name before, but in retrospect, he thought it might be wise to pretend he had not been hired by her father to look for her, but that he'd looked at her ID when he'd found her passed out in his granny's garbage. If she knew he was looking for her, she might bolt. He hoped to convince her to go back to Port Charles, but he would have to get her to trust him and tell him her story before he could even begin to do that. But he would have to pretend he had no idea who she really was.

"The doctor's coming," Granny said, coming back into the living room.

Then she saw him with Lisa's wallet.

"Damien Millhouse Spinelli," she asked sharply, "what do you think you're doing?"

Spinelli felt guilty, even though he knew he was doing nothing wrong. He would never steal from this poor, soaked, defenseless child in front of him and he'd thought Granny would have known that about him.

"I was just looking at her ID to confirm that she really was Lisa Cavanaugh. It's better that she thinks that's how we found out who she is or she'll run away again. I don't want her to know I was hired to look for her. I want her to think I found her accidentally."

He put her wallet back in her backpack and put the pack on the coffee table. Then he sat in the chair across from the couch and looked at Lisa. She looked very different from the smiling girl in the ID photo. She was twelve, but had obviously tried to make herself up to look much older. That look was completely spoiled now by the streaks of rain soaked makeup on her face. Her normally blue eyes were hidden by the gunk that he supposed had been mascara, but had run down her face due to the rain soaking it. She smelled of the contents of Granny's trash can and her blonde hair was soaked and stringy. She had also cut it in a different style from the photo. Her photo showed a happy, innocent little girl. The figure in front of him was sick and helpless and judging by her breathing and the feel of her burning face, Spinelli feared for her life. He hoped the doctor would arrive soon and that the rain would not hinder his timely appearance.

"I should call her father."

"Wait. Let's see what the doctor says first. We should make sure she's gonna be all right so he doesn't panic. She's burning up and soaking wet. I'm gonna find something for her to wear and change her. You go get unpacked."

"OK."

He received a nasty surprise when he opened a drawer to put something away; he found an old stash of marijuana. He stared at it, reflecting on how stupid he'd been to think this would make people accept him. They hadn't accepted him; they'd only used him to keep their grades up and given him the pot in return, thinking they were doing him a favor. Stone Cold had told him in no uncertain terms that drugs of any kind in his house were unacceptable. Stone Cold would not accept him if he continued using, so he stopped and gave the last of what he had in Port Charles to Alexis to manage her pain during her fight with cancer. She had won the fight, but lost custody of her child due to Spinelli's misguided attempt to help her.

When he was sure Lisa was occupying Granny, he took the marijuana into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet, smiling as he watched it swirl down into the sewers of Oakfield. He had just flushed the last vestiges of someone he used to be, someone he had outgrown in Port Charles. He was accepted now and he hadn't needed drugs to gain that acceptance. In fact, Stone Cold had shown him that no substance could ever make people accept you; there was no magic potion. All he'd wanted was to please his mentor and quitting the pot was the first step in gaining the respect and acceptance of The Master. It had served its purpose; now it was wear it belonged, down the drain where it couldn't mess up anybody else's thought processes.

The smile faded quickly; thinking of the sewers made him think of the first time he and Maximista had really connected on an emotional level. She had been staring at him; they were tracking Diego and she had asked him what had been wrong with Georgie, why he didn't love her. She made him answer as himself instead of hiding behind The Jackal. That had been when she'd begun to see him as a real person, or so he'd thought. Now he didn't know what to believe. How much of what she'd ever told him had been true and how much had been her trying to manipulate him or use him as a means to rebel against her father? Had she ever told him the truth when it came to her feelings for him?

He sighed. He might never know the answers to these questions. Lisa was the immediate problem now. Maxie would have to wait.

The doctor was there by the time he was finished unpacking. He was examining Lisa when Spinelli came downstairs, so he and Granny waited in the kitchen for the diagnosis.

"How long was she out there in the rain?" he asked when the exam was over.

"I don't know," Granny said. "The first we knew she was out there was when we heard the garbage cans rattle when she fell."

"I think she must have been out there since the rain started," Spinelli said. "She was soaked when we brought her in and I could feel the fever even before I touched her. She was obviously sick before she got caught in the rain."

Dr. Thomas nodded.

"She's got pneumonia. I wanna take her to the hospital. Do either of you have any idea what her name is or how I can get in touch with her parents?"

"Her name is Lisa Cavanaugh. I'm a private investigator in Port Charles. My partner and I were hired by her father to find her. Who would have thought that when I came back here for a vacation I would find her?"

If her parents needed to be contacted immediately, Spinelli didn't have to worry about blowing his cover. They would come and take her home once she was well enough. He had solved the case.

Dr. Thomas laughed and patted Spinelli's shoulder.

"I guess your work followed you here."

Spinelli grinned. The doctor's perpetual good cheer, as usual, was infectious.

"OK, well, I'm gonna admit her to the hospital for treatment. You call her father and tell him you've done your job and get him here as soon as possible. She's a minor and we may need his consent for treatment, depending on the severity of the pneumonia."

Spinelli remembered Maxie telling him that Emma had been in a similar situation the night of the hospital crisis.

"I'll call him now."

"Good man."

Spinelli grinned again. The last time he'd spoken to Dr. Thomas, he'd called him a good boy, not a good man. Three years and one little word had changed the way this man saw Spinelli, and the change was for the better.

"I think we should go to the hospital with her," he said. "If she wakes up, she shouldn't be alone."

Granny nodded.

"You can call Mr. Cavanaugh on the way."

"I thought you were out of town," Mr. Cavanaugh said on the phone.

"I am; I'm in Tennessee and Lisa's here. I didn't know that when I arrived. I literally found her in the backyard."

"Is she all right?"

"She has pneumonia, Sir. You may need to consent to treatment. How soon can you get here?"

"I'll take the first flight."

"I'll be staying with her until your arrival so she won't be alone."

"Thank you, Mr. Spinelli. You've been a Godsend!"

He smiled as he ended the call. This time, the smile was genuine. Jason had been right. A vacation to Oakfield was what he needed, and so was his work. He may not have been what Maxie really wanted, but he was a good PI. He felt he was finally regaining his self-confidence.


	9. A Piece of the Puzzle

Mr. Cavanaugh called back a few minutes later and said he couldn't get a flight until the next morning. Spinelli promised that he would not let Lisa be alone in the hospital; either he or Granny would stay with her. Mr. Cavanaugh thanked him and Spinelli could hear the tears of pain mixed with relief in his voice.

"I don't understand why she would wish to hurt her father like this," he said to Granny when he hung up.

Lisa was having a chest x-ray and they were waiting for her.

"He obviously loves her. There are no signs of neglect or abuse in her ID photo; she looked happy. Why would she run away and cause him such pain?"

"You remember what it's like to be a child; you've only been out of your teens for two years."

"I would never have done this to you."

She looked away from him for a moment, then looked back hesitantly.

"You've never doubted my love for you, have you? I mean, I know I'm harsh with you at times, but-"

"You didn't have to keep me. In the absence of my parents you could have put me in foster care; you chose to raise me, even with an ailing husband. You took care of a sick husband and a small grandchild all on your own and I can't imagine what a burden we must have been."

"I loved you both; it was not a burden. God never gives us more than we can handle, Damien, even when we doubt that we can handle it."

"The fact that you chose to raise me is proof that you love me. You never do anything you don't wanna do."

He smiled sadly.

"You and Maxie have that in common. I think you would have liked her."

"I don't know about that."

The nurses wheeled Lisa back in and put her on her bed.

"Who are you?" she croaked groggily, looking at Granny and Spinelli with suspicion.

"I'm Mrs. Spinelli and this is my grandson, Damien. We found you in our backyard. You lost consciousness in our trash heap."

"Thank you for taking care of me."

Granny nodded and smoothed the girl's hair.

"We called your Daddy. He'll be here tomorrow."

"You what?"

Her gratitude had turned to anger.

"He may need to give consent for your treatment," Spinelli said quickly.

"I don't need anybody to give consent; I'm twenty-one!"

"Not according to your ID."

"You went through my things?"

"My grandson here is a private investigator. Your father hired him and his partner to look for you, but Damien needed to come back home for a couple of weeks to tend to some personal matters. God put you in his path, Lisa, which means he wanted him to find you and bring you back to your Daddy."

Lisa rolled her eyes at the mention of God.

"I'm not going home."

"You don't have a choice," Granny said firmly. "Your Daddy will be here tomorrow and when you're well enough he'll take you home."

"I won't go!"

She slapped the bed with her small hand to show her defiance. Her outburst caused her to have a coughing fit. Spinelli poured some water from the pitcher on her table and handed it to her.

"Your father loves you very much," he said as she drank. "It shows in his eyes, his voice, the way he talks about you. Your family is obviously not wealthy, but he somehow obtained the financial resources to hire McCall and Jackal and to catch a flight from New York to Tennessee. He will do anything to get you back safely; he's been worried sick."

"The only reason he wants to find me is because I left him alone with the younger kids. The God your grandmother keeps talking about let my mother kill herself a few months ago and now I'm stuck with all her responsibilities!"

So that explained why Lisa had run away. This fit one more piece into the puzzle of this case. Spinelli viewed all cases as puzzles to be solved. But what were the secrets she was keeping from her father. He had said she'd been secretive. It was possible that her only secret had been her plan to run away. Maybe she'd only been struggling to hide her intentions from him. He hoped that was all. Mr. Cavanaugh didn't need anymore pain.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Me, too," Granny said. "But God didn't cause your mother to-"

"Don't start talking to me about free will!" Lisa snapped. "That's what my uncle keeps saying; he's a minister."

"Excuse me," a sour-looking nurse said, coming in and glaring at all of them. "This is a hospital. Keep your voice down, young lady, and if you two continue to upset my patient I will have to ask you both to leave."

"Humblest apologies," Spinelli said, reminded affectionately of Formidable Nurse Epiphany.

Lisa gave him a look he was much too familiar with; it was the "what planet are you from" look. It was the look he always earned from Tracey, Mack and Sonny. It was the look everyone gave him in High School, with the exception of a few teachers. It was the look Maximista used to give him before their adventure in the sewer.

He looked away as the ache of losing Maxie returned. Why did he hurt so much when he knew she'd been lying when she said she loved him? Why wasn't he more angry with her? Why couldn't he channel his pain into anger so he could get over her and move on?

Would anyone love him? Was he right? Was Georgie the only one who would really see him and love him for who he was, flaws and all? Was he doomed to be alone? Before Maxie, he'd been resigned to that fate. He was comfortable with himself. But since being with Maxie, he no longer wanted to accept permanent isolation. He wanted a family.

When Granny died, he would truly be alone. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life with no one to love him. Stone Cold loved him, but that was different. Lulu loved him, but only as a friend. Georgie had loved him, but Diego Alcazar had ripped her from him and everyone else who loved her for the simple crime of seeing his face.

He wanted so badly to confide in her now. She would understand what he was feeling and would not judge him the way he judged himself, or the way almost everyone else judged him. There were still times when he missed her so much that the pain of her loss was as fresh as the day he'd found her, cold and broken ,on the park steps.

The nurse's face softened slightly and she gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Well, all right, but just see that you keep the patient calm."

She turned and left the room.

"Humblest apologies?" Lisa asked in the same tone Sonny used when Spinelli voiced a thought in a way Sonny didn't like, such as when he'd called Rick Lancing a Sith Lord. "You're a brainiac, aren't you?"

The contempt in her voice also reminded him of far too many people.

"My grandson is a genius," Granny said, and the pride in her voice surprised and moved him. "His teachers told me his test scores were off the charts. If I had more money he could have gone to the best schools in the country."

"You talk like a girl at my school," Lisa said to Spinelli, ignoring Granny. "Molly's the daughter of the former DA, but the DA decided to have-"

"Molly Davis?" Spinelli interrupted, surprised.

"You know her?"

"Yes, she's the sister of my partner, Samantha McCall."

Molly and Kristina had been enlisted to perform a couple of readings at his and Maxie's wedding. He wished thoughts of people he knew back home connected to Maxie wouldn't hurt so much, especially since many of the people connected to Maxie were also connected to him in some way or another.

"Did you honestly think anyone would think you looked twenty-one," Granny asked, "no matter how much of that sinful gunk you put on your face?"

"I managed to stay away from the cops, didn't I?" Lisa asked defensively. "I'd still be OK if I hadn't gotten sick and your PI grandson there hadn't called my dad."

"You just be thankful that we did find you," Granny said sharply. "You could have died."

Lisa shrugged as if to say, "whatever."

"I wanna go to sleep now."

"You do that," Granny said. "Damien promised your Daddy we wouldn't leave you alone, so one or both of us will be here when you wake up."

Lisa was silent for a moment, then looked at them both sheepishly.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean and I do appreciate you taking care of me. I still wish you hadn't called my dad, but I get that you didn't have a choice."

"Apology accepted," Spinelli said, and Granny nodded.

"You go to sleep now," she said gently, patting Lisa's hand. "You need to rest up so you can get that fever down."

"Good night," Lisa said, turning away from them.

"Good night," they said together.

She slept for the rest of the night. Granny and Spinelli didn't talk because they didn't want to wake her. Around midnight, Spinelli suggested that Granny go home and get some sleep. He would stay with Lisa.

"Are you sure?" she whispered back.

"I've been having trouble sleeping, anyway. There would be no sense in both of us getting no sleep."

"If you're sure."

He nodded and she kissed his cheek before leaving.

Lisa was still asleep when her father arrived early the next morning. Mr. Cavanaugh took one look at her and broke down. He stumbled out of the room and into the hallway with Spinelli following.

"Are you all right?" he asked the sobbing man with concern.

He was sitting on a bench with his face in his hands.

"I thought I'd lost her," he said through his hands. "I just lost my wife. I can't-"

He couldn't finish. Spinelli put a hand on his shoulder.

"She told me," he said gently. "I'm sorry."

When he could speak again, he took his face out of his hands and looked at Spinelli.

"She's so pale."

His voice was still full of tears, but he was calming down. His eyes were trickling now instead of streaming.

"But she is responding to the treatment; the one The Life Saving Ones feared you would have to consent to was not required."

Mr. Cavanaugh took a deep breath.

"Thank you for staying with her," he said softly.

Spinelli nodded.

"She told you about my wife. Did she also tell you why she ran away?"

Spinelli spoke hesitantly, not sure if it was his place to say this.

"She feels you've given her all of her mother's responsibilities."

"I suppose I have," Mr. Cavanaugh sighed, "but she is the oldest and I can't afford a housekeeper or a nanny., especially since we're not a two-income family anymore."

"How old are Lisa's siblings?"

"Katie's six and Roger Junior's two. We call him RJ."

"So the little ones are still incapable of looking after themselves," Spinelli said.

"My brother and his wife are watching them now."

"The Jackal must phone his partner and inform her of the developments in your case. Perhaps The Devoted One should continue the vigil beside his small one's bedside?"

he had slipped back into Jackal mode without even being aware. Mr. Cavanaugh smiled.

"I will and thank you, Mr. Spinelli. I don't even wanna think about what could have happened if you hadn't found her."

"You can just call me Spinelli; most people do, except Granny, who of course calls me Damien."

"Thank you, Spinelli, and you can call me Roger."

They shook hands and Spinelli went to the designated area to use his cell phone.


	10. Selfless Acts

"Spinelli," Sam said, sounding surprised but happy to hear from him. "Hi. How are you doing?"

"The Jackal is improving, thank you."

"Listen, I'm glad you called; I'd like to run something by you. It's not urgent; I just want your opinion."

"The Jackal would be most eager to hear his partner's input, but first he must inform her of a development in the Cavanaugh case."

"the Cavanaugh case? Did something happen to Lisa?"

"I found her."

"You did? That's great! If you tell me where she is I can call her father and-"

"The Devoted Father has already been reunited with his wayward child. She was here."

"In Oakfield?"

"I still don't know how she ended up here; all I know is that she boarded a bus, ended up here and lost consciousness in my Granny's backyard during a severe rain storm among several smelly trash cans. We called the doctor, who pronounced that she had pneumonia and brought her here to the hospital. The Jackal phoned her distraught parental unit and he arrived this morning."

"That's great news, partner!"

"Indeed."

He smiled.

"The Fair One wishes The Jackal's opinion? Have we got a new case?"

"No, I've been thinking about what I said to Sonny about hiring security to keep him out. I've been thinking maybe we should do that, anyway, not just to keep Sonny in line, but for our own protection."

"Fair Samantha possesses much wisdom; perhaps we should have taken steps to procure security months ago."

"OK, um, would you like to wait until you get back, or do you just want me to go ahead with it."

"Your keen incites will serve us well in this situation; I trust your judgment."

"OK, thank you for your confidence."

He smiled, hearing the smile in her voice.

"OK, I'll get on that, then, and call me just to let me know how you're doing? I've been really worried about you."

"I will," he said affectionately.

As he went back to Lisa's hospital room, he heard her voice rise. He'd been hoping she would be glad to see her father; apparently she was not.

"I'm your daughter, not your baby sitter! I can't do anything fun anymore! I had to miss the school dance in June because you had to cover for someone at work and didn't wanna get someone to watch Katie and RJ!"

"Lisa, we can't afford a baby sitter; you know that. If we could I would have been glad to let you go to that dance. Things are gonna be even tighter now that I've had to deplete our savings to find you. We have your medical bills, plus I'm still paying off your mom's bills-"

"I don't get why you're even bothering to pay for those. Mom's dead thanks to those fake drugs they gave her at the hospital!"

Spinelli stared at the door, wondering if he should go in. So Lisa's poor mother had been a victim of the counterfeit drug ring, too.

"They're the ones who gave her those placebo pills and told her they were her antidepressants and you're still paying them?"

"I don't have a choice. It's either pay up or go to jail. I don't know what we're gonna do about your bills here either. Honey, why can't you talk to me? Why did you have to run away?"

She looked past him and saw Spinelli hesitating near the door.

"Come on in, Brainiac," she said without malice. "My dad hired you to find out about me, so he might as well get his money's worth, especially since he spent so much on you and the plane ticket."

That last was spoken with resentment and a glare at Roger.

"I was given fake drugs, too," he said, coming in and looking at Lisa, hoping to get through to her, hoping to show her that what had happened to her mother was not the hospital's fault and that her mother was not the only person to suffer the affects of the counterfeit drug ring. "I was hit by a car last year and the doctors needed to remove my ruptured spleen. I was given what they believed to be antibiotics, but they were counterfeit."

"What?" Granny asked from behind him, sounding horrified.

Spinelli jumped.

"You were hit by a car and needed surgery and I wasn't notified?"

He sighed.

"I didn't want you to worry."

"But you could have died!"

"But I'm here. I'm OK."

Roger and Lisa looked at each other briefly, then Lisa turned her back to all of them. Spinelli felt a pang of guilt; he was here and OK, but Mrs. Cavanaugh was not. He was sure that must be what Lisa was thinking.

"Lisa," Roger said in a pleading voice, "don't, Baby."

"Go away; I don't wanna go home with you!"

He looked as if she'd slapped him.

"I'm not going home to be your slave!"

As they argued, Spinelli took Granny outside the room.

"She won't be ready to travel for a while. Maybe we could take her back home with us and I can bring her back to Port Charles with me. That will afford Lisa the time to work on her anger issues."

"I don't know. She's missing school and her father needs her home."

"But if we send her back with him now she'll run away again. Besides, she'll need to miss school to recover from the pneumonia, anyway, and she's already behind because of the weeks she's been missing."

"You want me to put up a stranger for two weeks?"

He was surprised and disappointed to hear a question like that from Granny, so he quoted her favorite Bible verse.

"For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you took me in. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me. In as much as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me."

She sighed.

"You're right. We'll talk to her father and see if he agrees."

He smiled proudly and hugged her.

"I have to take care of something. Would you speak to Roger?"

She nodded.

He went to the billing department of the hospital and asked them to send the bill for Lisa's care to him. Roger had decimated his savings to find and retrieve his lost daughter. His wife was gone and his daughter was refusing to come home. The last thing the poor man needed was to worry about more hospital bills. Then he went back to the designated area an used his laptop to research his wife's death. He Jackaled Roger, found his wife's name and determined through her records that she'd been given the counterfeit drugs at General Hospital. Then he transferred the remaining balance into GH's account from one of his, making the transaction anonymously. He had also told the people here not to tell Roger that he'd been the one to pay Lisa's bill. Now Roger could build up his savings again without having hospital bills hanging over his head.

"It's no trouble," Granny was saying when he got back to Lisa's room. "Damien will be going back to Port Charles in two weeks; Lisa can go with him."

"She can sleep in my room; I'll take the couch," Spinelli said.

"It'll give her the time she needs to recover," Granny said.

"I don't know."

"From what I've seen you two need to be able to talk to each other, but you need some distance, too. Damien and I can help with that."

Roger still hesitated.

"It was Damien's idea, but I think it's also what God wants of us," Granny said.

"Can I have some time to think about it?"

Granny nodded.

"Thank you. I'm gonna go call my brother and check on my other kids. I'll be back soon."

He paused, looked at Granny and gave her a tired smile.

"I also have some more praying to do."

"Are you a Christian then?"

"Catholic, actually."

Granny nodded with a smile.

"Well, you go pray on it and then let us know what God tells you."

He kissed Lisa's cheek before leaving.

Lisa was already half asleep, so Granny and Spinelli decided to go home and get some sleep themselves. Roger agreed to call Spinelli when he made his decision; they met him in the hall as they were leaving. He'd just gotten off the phone with his brother and was headed for the chapel.

But Spinelli still couldn't sleep. He was tired, but his mind was on overdrive. If he wasn't thinking about Maxie, he was thinking about Lisa and her family. He was also thinking about what he would tell Granny when she revisited the subject of why Maxie's father didn't like him. How was he going to tell her about his involvement with Alcazar, and later Stone Cold and Mr. Sir?

His cell woke him from a fitful doze. It was Roger; he agreed to let Lisa stay with them for two weeks and Spinelli would bring her home with him.

"That's good," Granny said distractedly when he told her.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

She looked up at him with troubled eyes.

"How much are you not telling me?"

"Sorry?"

"You didn't tell me you were hit by a car and almost died. What else are you keeping from me? I've always had a feeling there was a lot you weren't saying when you called me. I've always wondered if I should ask, if I should press you for information. If you'd been taken from me then I would have gotten a call telling me you were dead without having any idea your life had been in danger in the first place."

He felt guilty. He'd been trying to protect her and hadn't meant for her to overhear what he'd been telling Roger and Lisa. It hadn't occurred to him that if he died the news would have been a horrible shock for her because she would have had no way to prepare for the possibility. In trying to protect her, he could have possibly caused her irrevocable emotional harm.

"Sit down," she said.

It was noon, so she made sandwiches for them both and then spoke sternly when they were done. He knew that tone; she would accept no arguments.

"I want you to tell me everything that's happened to you since Lulu and Jason came looking for you. I wanna know exactly why they were looking for you and I don't want you to leave out a single important detail."

Spinelli stared out the living room window again. In contrast to yesterday, the sky was a clear blue and there was a nest of birds singing in a tree in Granny's garden. The window was open and a gentle breeze was blowing through.

But the beauty of the day could do nothing to ease Spinelli's fear and anxiety. He had no choice now. He was going to have to tell Granny everything, starting with Evil Al. As he collected his thoughts and began to speak, he prayed again that he would not lose her because of his career choice. He prayed to every God and Goddess he knew that he would not be cast out of the home or the heart of the woman who had loved and raised him from a baby, even when her husband was dying. If he lost Granny on top of losing Maxie, he thought he would shatter completely.


	11. Granny's Secret Pain

"I've never really fit in here. In Oakfield, I mean. You were the only one who really accepted me for who I was. I thought it would be different in Port Charles, where no one knew me, and I did find people who accepted me. Many have become friends, but the first one- well, I thought he'd accepted me, but- Do you remember all those kids I used to tutor in High School?"

Granny nodded.

"It was like being with them all over again. They accepted me for what I could do for them. Some of them paid me; the bigger, more muscular ones just demanded that I make sure they past their classes so they could continue playing their sport of choice. If they failed, they would cause me bodily harm. Lorenzo Alcazar was one of them, and he had friends to back him up."

"Was this a student at your college?"

He shook his head.

"It was someone who knew about me. He hired someone to find a student who was talented with a computer; they found me."

"I always knew that computer would get you into trouble someday. That is what you're gonna tell me, isn't it? This Alcazar person got you into some kind of trouble."

"he was the trouble."

He explained about Alcazar's assignment for him.

"Why would you agree to work for someone who wanted you to plant evidence to frame an innocent woman?"

"I thought he'd accepted me, Granny. I thought he respected my Cyber skills and would eventually respect me. I didn't know Samantha at the time, or Stone Cold, or anyone else I've come to love in Port Charles. I was told to make a flash drive and put certain things on it. I didn't know Samantha was innocent. But that was how I met her and Stone Cold. They convinced me to tell the police what I knew."

"Why did this guy wanna frame Sam in the first place?"

"He was working with the former DA, Rick Lancing. He hated Sam and Stone Cold and was plotting to send Samantha to prison because he took advantage of her in a very vulnerable emotional state. Hurting Stone Cold by sending his girlfriend to prison would have been icing on the cake."

"Was that why Jason and Lulu came here looking for you, to bring you back so you could testify against this crooked DA and his friend?"

"That, and to protect me from them. They wanted to kill me so I wouldn't testify."

"What?"

"They were not about to go to prison because of the likes of me."

Granny was eying him suspiciously, as if she was thinking that he was lying to her.

"Are you not telling me something about this, Damien? I told you I don't want you holding anything back; I want you to tell me everything. You mind me now."

He sighed. She knew him too well. He had to tell her.

"Lorenzo Alcazar was a mob kingpin."

She paled slightly.

"But Sam and Jason got you away from him, right? You don't work for him anymore?"

"No, I work for Stone Cold and as Sam's partner in McCall and Jackal."

"You always called yourself that in High School; I never understood why, only that it had something to do with your computer."

"I hunt information."

She nodded, but he could see that she still didn't fully understand.

"How did you escape Alcazar?"

"Stone Cold took me to the police. I gave them the flash drive and told them what I knew of Alcazar's plans."

He told her about his friendship with Lulu and how they'd met and Alcazar's men had grabbed them. He told her how he and Milo and Dillon had competed for her and lost when she'd chosen Logan. He told her all the things he'd attempted to get Lulu to notice and fall in love with him.

He was surprised at how much he had held back from her, and even more surprised at how easily and quickly it was all coming out now. Once he'd begun to tell her, he couldn't seem to stop. He was even telling her things he hadn't wanted to tell her, which he realized when she stared in disbelief when she'd heard that he'd shot himself in the foot."

"You shot yourself? You were playing with a gun? You could have been killed!"

"I know," he said sheepishly.

"What were you thinking?"

"I thought if I could be more like Stone Cold, and even more like Logan, that Lulu would know that I could protect her and maybe she would choose me when she finally saw Logan for who he was."

"Damien, I have tried, but I don't think I'll ever understand this need you have to prove yourself to everyone and have everyone like you. Why do you think you have to change? Why can't you be happy with who you are, with who God wants you to be?"

"Obviously the Jack- I am obviously lacking in some fundamental area."

"Why do you think that?"

"If my own parents didn't want me, something must be-"

He stopped, seeing the shock on her face. He suddenly realized what he'd just said and could have kicked himself. It hurt her to talk about his parents; he knew that. He had never come right out and admitted that he knew the truth, that his parents had never wanted him. Granny had always said when he'd asked about them that they couldn't be with them. He had to have been the reason. That had to be why she would never elaborate. She loved him and hadn't wanted him to know the truth.

But he learned at a young age that grownups couched the truth in euphemisms. "We had to put the dog to sleep," meant that the neighbors' dog had been euphonized. ""Granddaddy went to Heaven," meant that his grandfather had died. "Mommy and Daddy couldn't take care of you anymore and had to leave," meant his parents didn't want him. He had done something, or they had found something in him, that made him unworthy of being their son.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know you find it painful to discuss-"

"Damien, why in the world would you think your parents didn't want you?"

"You don't have to protect me, Granny. I'm old enough to face the truth. When Granddaddy died you said he went to Heaven. When I asked about my parents you said they couldn't take care of me and had to go away. If they were dead you would have told me they were in Heaven with Granddaddy. The fact that you only told me they had to go away leads to the logical conclusion that I was a disappointment and you loved me too much to tell me they wanted a better son."

"God, forgive me," she said shakily, fighting back tears. "What have I done?"

"You tried to lie without lying," he said gently. "You tried to protect the feelings of a small boy who couldn't understand why everyone except you either left him or ridiculed him."

"I thought I was protecting you; I only hurt you. I'm so sorry!"

She looked away from him to the picture of his grandfather that she kept on the coffee table.

"You were right," she told it, crying openly now. "We should have told him."

"Told me what?"

He had never seen her act like this. He was confused, concerned and a little scared.

She looked back at him and he saw fear in her eyes, as well as pain.

"You may hate me for this, but you need to know. You need to see."

"I could never hate you," he said as she stood up.

"You say that now, but you may feel differently in a few minutes. Wait here. I'll be right back."

She went into her bedroom and came back a few minutes later with a cardboard box. She put it on his lap and told him to look inside.

Everything seemed to be in chronological order. The first thing he pulled out was his birth certificate. He had seen this online, but glanced at it, anyway. Everything was in order. The next item was his baby book. He skimmed through it, wanting to see, but wanting to get through the rest of the box. Nothing he saw in the book matched up to his belief that his parents didn't want him. He didn't understand. Why would they leave if they didn't want him? Granny had said they'd gone away, not gone to Heaven. They hadn't died; they had left.

"They did love you," she said quietly when he put the book aside and reached into the box again.

The letter he pulled out next was addressed to Granny and Granddaddy and was dated when he was about a year old.

"They're after us, Mom," the letter said.

It was written in a shaky hand and the context was fearful.

"They want to kill us. They want to make sure Adam never testifies."

He stared at the letter. His father had apparently witnessed something he shouldn't have. Had he been in a situation similar to Spinelli's with Alcazar? Who had he been trying to escape? Had his mother been with him?

"I thought you were my father's mother."

"I am; your Mama called me Mom, too. I loved her like a daughter."

The letter explained that his father had seen a murder. His mother didn't say who the men were, only that they wanted to kill all of them. He had been told that if he testified, his wife and son would be killed as punishment; he would watch them die before they killed him.

"Adam is at the police station now. He thinks we're going to have to disappear. I probably shouldn't be writing you, especially about this, but I'm so scared for Damien! I don't know what to do; I need to protect him. He shouldn't have to pay because his parents got in over their heads. He's just a little boy, but these men don't care. They'll punish him for what we did. I blame myself, not Adam; I'm the one who convinced him to go to the police with what he saw."

The letter didn't explain what he'd seen, only that he'd witnessed a murder and now the killers were after him.

"I didn't understand it either," Granny said. I had to call them to get the whole story. Actually, it was your Granddaddy who finally got to the bottom of it; your father told him."

She looked back at her husband's picture, as if for strength, then continued.

"Adam worked at a software company. You must have inherited his computer skills. Tina worked as a secretary in the same building. They met, fell in love, got married and had you. But their boss was dealing with some shady people and finally they caught up with him. He was into them for hundreds of thousands of dollars; that was how he funded his company. They caught up with him and just as your Daddy was leaving for the night, he saw Mr. Harper arguing with two men. He said he looked scared and was begging them not to hurt him. Your father was just about to show himself and ask if Harper needed the police when one of the men pulled out a gun and shot him in the head at point blank range. Adam ran off, but they must have heard his footsteps because five minutes later the other man was holding him by the throat as he reached his car and telling him to keep his mouth shut or you and Tina would pay. They were living in a bad part of New York at the time; we were always begging them to move back here, especially after you were born. We were always afraid one or all of you would be hurt by a stray bullet. The place was full of gangs and gangsters. A week after the murder, it was decided that you all had to go into the witness protection program. I didn't know this, of course; the police were supposed to call us once you and your parents were settled. They called a sitter for you while they went to go fill out some paper work. They got in, your father turned the ignition and the car exploded. You were put into protective services until we were called. We came and got you, made arrangements for the funerals and brought you home with us. Your parents are buried in Oakfield Cemetery, not far from Granddaddy. You were only five when he died and I was afraid to have you go to the funeral, not only because I thought you were too young and it would be too upsetting for you, but because you'd been reading since you were three and I was afraid you'd pick out the name Spinelli and start asking questions I couldn't answer. You were too young. You were all I had left and I've always been terrified of the men who killed your parents coming after you. I lost my son and daughter in-law; I lost your Granddaddy. It would kill me if something happened to you, too. You were my reason for living after he was gone; I don't know what I would have done without you. I thank God every day that he spared your life and that you were too young to remember the explosion."

As he listened, he felt a fundamental change. Something inside him seemed to be reshaping itself and he couldn't explain it. His thoughts were jumbled. There were flashes of finding Georgie, of having Lucky show him the folder containing her unsent emails, of Maxie telling him she loved him and then accepting his proposal. He didn't understand why he was having these thoughts or what was happening inside him. He felt something shifting; it was painful and terrifying, but there was something else, too, something he couldn't express.

"Everything else in that box is documentation; newspaper articles, court transcripts, police reports… I also have a box of videos taken during your first year when you're ready to see them."

She fell silent, looking at him anxiously.

"Damien, say something, please?"

"It wasn't me," he said softly. "I- I'm not- They wanted me?"

"You meant the world to them."

Now he understood what was happening, the change that was taking place inside of him. It was like finding Georgie's body, then finding out she'd been in love with him. His parents had loved him, but had died before he was old enough to have any memory of them. Georgie had loved him, but had died before she'd had a chance to tell him. He's spent his entire life feeling inadequate and unworthy. His parents had left him, or so he'd thought until today. Girls rejected him. Lulu had accepted him as a friend, but had chosen men like Johnny and Logan over him romantically. Georgie had been his best friend, but had been killed. He had thought Maxie had loved him, but she'd accepted him and his proposal to rebel against her father. He wondered how different his life would have been if his parents had lived.

"Just like Georgie," he said softly, unable even to try to fight the hot tears that spilled from his eyes. "She wanted me, too, and I- I couldn't-"

He couldn't finish. She pulled him into her arms and rubbed his back.

"It's all right, Baby. From what you've told me about her, she would have understood, and it was my fault that you thought your parents abandoned you, not yours. I wanted to protect you from their killers; that was why I kept their murders a secret. I had know idea you thought they'd rejected you; I'm so sorry."

He wanted to tell her he understood, but he couldn't speak.

"I got the impression from your phone calls that Port Charles is quite a fast paced town. It seems to me like you barely have time to catch your breath before something else happens. I don't think you've had the time to deal properly with anything that's happened, especially the death of your friend, and certainly not your breakup with Maxie. You need to grieve your losses, Damien; all of them. There's nothing shameful in that. So you cry… For your parents, for Georgie, even for that horrible girl who spat your love and your sacrifice back in your face and tried to sleep with another man on the same day she showed you her true colors. You're well rid of her, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to mourn her."

She silently continued to rub his back until he was over the worst of it.

"You hunt information," she said when he pulled away and wiped the last of the tears. "Why didn't you ever look for information on them if you thought they were still alive?"

"I was afraid to."

His voice almost didn't sound like his own. He felt physically and emotionally drained.

"I was afraid they'd had other children by now, brothers and sisters I would never know and they didn't want me to know."

She looked away guiltily.

"I understand why you didn't tell me. I don't blame you. I was right about you trying to protect me; I was just wrong about what you were trying to protect me from."

She sighed with relief and hugged him again.

"It'll be time for dinner soon. I know you didn't sleep well this morning; I checked in on you. I want you to go try to get some more sleep while I make dinner."

"I can help you with-"

"Don't argue with me. You're exhausted; you need to sleep."

He agreed, kissed her cheek and went into his bedroom. To his surprise, he fell asleep almost immediately.


	12. Trying to Come to Terms

He woke a few hours later, feeling slightly better. It had been the best sleep he'd had in a while.

There was a note for him on the kitchen table telling him Granny had gone to the hospital to visit Lisa and had left his dinner on the stove. As he ate, he Jackaled his parents.

He found his mother first, Christina Millhouse. "So that's where my middle name came from," he thought. She was an only child, as was his father. Her mother had died shortly before Tina's eighth grade graduation and her father had died a year after his daughter's murder. He'd been driving drunk and driven off a bridge.

"So much death," he thought sadly. "So much loss. One death causes others; one action causes other reactions. People get hurt and lives are irrevocably altered."

Georgie's death had connected him and Maxie, which had, at first, seemed like something positive to come out of the most horrible event in his life. But Maxie had apparently not felt the same way. She had used Georgie to hurt him. She had tried to sleep with Johnny. She had never intended to go through with the wedding. Georgie would have never treated Spinelli, or anyone else, the way Maxie had.

His mother's death had led to the death of her father, a grandfather Spinelli had never known and would never know. His other grandmother had died of illness when his mother was still a child; he would never know her either. He had no memory of his parents and very little of his other grandfather, Granny's husband.

He smiled slightly as he looked at his parents' school records. They were both bright, but Granny seemed to be right; his father had been the one with the computer skills. Tina's strengths lay in the more abstract; painting, drawing, creative writing.

Then he found the information concerning the murder of James Harper. Adam had been the only eye witness. He had to stop when he came to this information; he couldn't bring himself to look at the police reports yet. He had just found that his parents had been taken from him and Granny and had not left voluntarily. He needed time to process that information before he investigated their murders.

He was looking at his baby book when Granny came home.

"Lisa's getting better," she said. "If there are no complications, she can come home with us the day after tomorrow."

"That's good," he said distractedly, staring at a photo of his father holding Baby Damien and his mother hugging his father.

"I think we're gonna have to keep an eye on her, though. We don't want her running off again."

He shook his head in agreement without looking up.

"Damien?"

"Huh?"

He did look up at the concern in her voice.

"You all right?"

"You said you had a box of videos featuring me and my parents. I- I think I need to see them. I- I don't even remember their voices."

She gave him a quick, tight hug and went into her bedroom.

As he and Granny watched, he reflected that his voice was a perfect blend of both his parents. He was grateful that his parents had lived through all of his first-year experiences, including his first birthday. The last video was dated four months after and showed them at his grandparents' anniversary party."

"That was our thirtieth," Granny said with a smile.

His emotions were mixed again. He was happy that he finally knew his parents, even if only through a stack of videos and documents. But he also grieved them, something he hadn't been able to do before. He had blamed himself for their absence before and had never resented them, only regretted that he couldn't have pleased them.

He'd spent his entire life searching for love and acceptance, never knowing that he'd always had it, from his parents, from granny, from Stone Cold and the rest of his friends.

Even Maxie had loved and accepted him, until he'd freed her to make up with her father. She began to hate him then for abandoning her. Her parents really had abandoned her and Georgie. They had left for a good cause, but that knowledge did nothing to ease Maxie's pain.

For the first time, he began to see past her cutting comments, past the slap, and wonder if she had said and done all that in order to try to protect herself. She was self-destructive by nature; her attempt to sleep with Johnny was, as Sam had said, typical Maxie. Did she still love him?

He quickly squashed the faint hope that tried to surface. It didn't matter if she still loved him. Her father would never accept them. Even if she hadn't meant everything she'd said and done that day, their situation was still unchanged. Maxie couldn't have her father and the man she loved. The Apoplectic Parental Unit would never relent.

He looked up when he heard a stifled sob as he pressed the rewind button after the last video.

"Granny?" he asked with concern, putting the remote on the end table beside the couch and moving closer to her.

"I'm OK," she said tearfully. "I just miss them.

He hugged her this time. He felt guilty. He should have asked to see these videos when he knew she would be out of the house.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you more pain."

"No, it was good to see them, and I wanted to support you."

She took a deep breath, let go of him and wiped her eyes.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I just wish-"

He didn't know how to finish. He had several wishes; that there had been more videos, that they'd had more time, that he remembered them, that they were still alive and that he'd grown up with them. He loved Granny, but his parents had been taken from both of them far too soon.

"I know," she said softly, not needing to hear him finish. "Me, too."

The next day, he copied all the videos onto DVD. Granny would keep the videos and Spinelli would take the DVD copies back to Port Charles with him. He put them in the box with everything else Granny had given him.

The next morning, Lisa came home from the hospital. Granny and Spinelli met Roger in the lobby and they went to her room together.

"Wait a second," Roger said softly before they went in. "I wanna talk to you both first. I wanna thank you for what you've done for us."

"God put you and Lisa in our paths, Roger," Granny said warmly. "It's only right that we take her home with us until she's better and you two can work things out."

"I'm not just talking about that. I'm talking about paying for her medical bills, and I have a feeling you're the ones who paid for her mother's bills, too."

Granny looked confused. She looked at Spinelli, who said nothing. But she always knew when he wasn't saying something.

"Well, I had nothing to do with that," she said. "Damien is the one you need to be thanking."

Roger looked at him.

"I can never repay you for everything you've done for me and my family. But the money-"

"Is no use if I can't do good with it. Granny raised me to help those in need and you were most definitely in need. With the bills out of the way, you can now spend more time with your small ones and perhaps hire a baby sitter so Lisa won't have to miss important social functions.

"More than that," Roger said, smiling at him. "I can save some money now and I won't have to do so much overtime."

Spinelli smiled back.

"Let's go get your daughter out of that hospital bed," Granny said to Roger, giving Spinelli a look of pride and affection.

Lisa continued to be cold to her father, but she seemed happy to see Spinelli and Granny. She was angry that Roger was going back to work instead of spending more time here with her. She seemed convinced that this was more evidence that she was not as important to him as his job and his younger children.

"Mom would have stayed," she said angrily.

Roger sighed and looked away.

"I wish I could," he said softly.

He looked anxiously at his watch. He had to get to the airport.

"I'll walk you out," Spinelli offered.

Roger thanked him.

"She hates me," he said miserably on the doorstep.

"No, she hates the situation."

"I don't know what to do."

"Give her these two weeks with us. She'll have time to recover physically and to think without wondering what to do to keep from being found. Let her process everything that's happened to your family."

He thought Granny's opinion that Spinelli had not had time to deal properly with everything that had happened to him and the people he loved in Port Charles also applied to Lisa.

"thank you again for everything," Roger said as he got into the car.

Spinelli nodded and they shook hands again.

"Call my cell if you wanna talk to Lisa."

Roger smiled and nodded before closing the door.


	13. Full Disclosure

Lisa slept most of that day. The doctor had said that would be the case. Her body was still recovering. She still had a cough and her chest still hurt. Her fever was down, but Spinelli and Granny had to monitor her closely.

She stayed in Spinelli's room. Granny wanted to keep her up there for now so she and Spinelli wouldn't disturb her while they talked. She wanted him to tell her the rest of what had happened since the last time he was home.

"So you shot yourself in the foot," she said after Lisa was settled and they were downstairs. "What happened next?"

He told her about the night shift, about meeting Jolene and finding out she was sabotaging the hospital. He left out his sexual encounter with her. He only told her she'd been going back and forth between him and Jason to distract them from discovering her secret.

Then he told her about Logan and Maxie's bet and Lulu's reaction to it, and meeting Johnny. That led to the Black and White Ball and the Text Message Killings, which led to Georgie's death and his connection with Maxie.

They had to pause at that point. Lisa needed to be given her medicine. While Granny tended to her, Spinelli got himself an orange soda. He was parched after talking so much.

"Jason is more than just a coffee importer," she said when he told her about Diego. "He's got a gun, which he apparently left around for you to shoot yourself with-"

"That was my fault," he said as he opened his soda can, "not his. I should have left it alone."

"That's true," she agreed sternly.

"You're right," he admitted. "He's not just a coffee importer. He and his boss are- were- rivals to Lorenzo Alcazar. Diego blamed Stone Cold for his father's death."

He took a long drink of soda as he waited for her reaction with a horrible feeling of dread. He had just admitted that he worked for a mobster. Mobsters had killed his parents. Was he about to lose her? Would he truly be abandoned now for his choice of employer?

"I hate that you work for them."

Her voice was calm, but he could see the disappointment in her eyes and hear it in her tone.

"Do they force you?"

He thought of all the times Mr. Sir had demanded he do something for him, but he knew that wasn't what she meant.

"No, Stone Cold is my friend, not just my employer. We've been through a lot together and I can't just dismiss him. I work for him because he respects and values me as a person and a friend. I love him like a brother."

"Your working for him is why Commissioner Scorpio doesn't like you, isn't it?"

He nodded.

"He's already lost one daughter to the mob. Can you blame him for not wanting to lose the other?"

He shook his head. She looked at him with sadness, regret and fear.

"Mobsters killed your parents. You didn't know that until yesterday. I tried to protect you from the mob and you fell into it, anyway. That might not have happened if I'd been honest with you about your Mama and Daddy from the beginning."

"You were trying to keep me from the men who killed them. You did what you thought was right. But I've made my own choices since moving to Port Charles. I joined Stone Cold of my own accord, Granny; it had nothing to do with your decision not to tell me about my parents' murder."

"What will you do now that you know?"

"I need to think about that. I don't wish to dishonor my parents or insult their memory, or diminish your sacrifice, but I can't abandon my friend after all he's done for me."

"Would he let you go?"

"He has urged me in the past to get out. He sacrificed much for his boss and his career."

"Like what?"

She sounded skeptical.

"What could a mob boss possibly have to sacrifice in order to stay a mob boss?"

He understood her anger and skepticism. She had lost her only child to men who did what Sonny and Jason did. But she didn't know Stone Cold.

"He refuses to have a family because he doesn't want his enemies coming after them. He wants a family, but he's been in the business too long. He feels there is no way out for him after so many years of making so many enemies."

That was the closest he would ever come to telling her about Baby Jake.

"You stay in for him."

"Yes, he's my closest friend."

"Damien, you could be killed. He obviously cares about you, or he wouldn't be urging you to get out. You're all I have; I don't wanna lose you. Please, I am begging you, take his advice. How did he even get into this situation to begin with?"

He told her about Jason's car accident and about the one man who accepted him and gave him a job.

"So this man took a brain damaged kid and made him into a killer."

"Stone Cold is so much more, Granny. He did for me what his boss did for him. He accepted me and took me in. he befriended me. Everything I have accomplished over the past few years, from learning about discretion to my confidence as a private investigator, is due in large part to his guidance."

"Has he got you killing for him?"

"No," he reassured her quickly, "I'm just their tech support."

"You've got your PI business with Sam. Isn't that enough now? Jason wants you to get out of the mob. Why don't you just get out of it and be a private investigator?"

"I understand that you're scared for me and that you don't want me working for the same type of people who killed my parents. But I didn't know they'd been murdered before yesterday, and Stone Cold is not the one who killed them. He has a tendency to push away people he loves in the name of their safety. At one point he would have been alone if I'd left him. His boss had tried to give up the business and basically forced it on him. Stone Cold made one condition and he met it. All that was temporary and the whole time Stone Cold was on the proverbial short end. He'd pushed away everyone except me when he took over the business. He tried, but I would not leave him. He doesn't realize that just because he pushes people away doesn't mean his enemies don't still know he cares about them. I can't abandon my friend."

"Your loyalty could cost you your life. It's one of your best qualities, but it will do you no good if it kills you."

He could think of no response to that. She sighed, apparently deciding that she could say nothing else to convince him.

"What happened after Diego was dealt with?"

He told her about Michael's shooting and trying to find his shooter. He told her about how Devlin had held Maxie and Jason had killed him to protect her. He caught her up on everything that happened from then until his breakup with Maxie. She listened to the rest without interrupting. Later, he realized that he'd gotten through the entire story without ever mentioning Sonny's name. Somehow he thought that was odd, but he couldn't really have said why if asked. But he would have time and reason to speculate later.

Finished with the story, he drained his soda and Granny asked him to help with dinner. He happily agreed. He wanted to focus on something other than all the bad things that had happened to him in Port Charles. That was mostly what his confession to Granny had brought up for him.

But after a few minutes of nothing but requests and instructions, he couldn't keep silent anymore. He had to know.

"Granny, are you- about the- about my job situation, my working for Stone Cold. Are you-"

She continued chopping vegetables as she spoke, keeping one eye on them and the other on him. He grated the cheese in silence as he listened.

"I should have told you about your parents. If I had, you wouldn't be so desperate for love and acceptance; you would have known you'd had it since the day you were born. But you're a grown man now, Damien. You need to decide what you're gonna do with your life. Do you wanna stay a mob computer man for the rest of your life, or do you wanna make a positive difference? Do you wanna help people who kill for money, or do you wanna help people who need information? I think you should seriously think about those questions while you're here, especially now that you know the truth about your parents. As for me, I know your heart. I know you're a good, kind man, just like your Daddy. I love you unconditionally, even when I don't show it and even when I don't agree with or approve of your choices."

He sighed with relief.

"I love you, too, and I give you my word, I will consider your questions carefully."

Very soon, he would discover something even Granny didn't know about his parents' deaths. This discovery would give her questions even more importance. The repercussions of Granny's revelations were far from over.


End file.
